2019: The Self-Care Challenge

Happy New Year friends and readers!

Another year has come and gone, last year was quite the roller coaster. Personally, I had some challenges that I had to deal with. There was a lot of insecurity, self-doubt, loss of myself, you name it. I had to start taking anxiety medications, which was something I hoped to never do. I dealt with a lot of personal failures and had a hard time overcoming them. I felt sad and defeated.

As the year was drawing closer to an end, I realized many things which I will not dive into at the moment, but I knew that I had to make a decision that would benefit me. Just me.

I have spent so much time worrying about everything and everyone around me. Their perceptions and opinions of me that I let myself go. I had many plans last year and I just did not execute them. I told myself that I could not let that happen again.

So I decided that I would do something for myself each and every day, thus creating the self-care challenge. They say it takes 21 days to form a habit. So why not do something for me. You all know how I feel about calling things a challenge, but here we are. This year my goal is to take care of me. It can be the smallest of things such as dry brushing before showering to seeing a friend for coffee. This year, I want to embrace myself. My identity. I want to take care of me. This year is going to be full of changes and I want to know that at the end of the day, I did them for me and no one else.

So here we are, I am back this year. This year ready to share who I am. I have taken such a break from writing and although, I am not the greatest at it. It’s the best way I can get my message across.

So here’s to being the best version of yourself that you want to be. Not the one your parents want, your friends, your boss, just be who you want to be.


Martha

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Oh hey there!

Yikes!  I have not been around to keep you updated on my life. There isn’t much to say because I’ve been so busy. But the semester is now over and all I have left are finals. Yep, Finals!

I honestly cannot believe how fast this program went, even though each month felt like it was moving at a glacial pace. I’m going to be at practicum for two weeks, so I’m not even sure if I’ll come back to writing some fun adventurous stuff for all of you. Maybe I can write about my experience!

I have a list of things I want to talk about with all of you, like how I was Vegan for 6 months or a how-to survive condensed programs….there’s a lot more. I guess I just want to cover all my bases of all I have done in the past 7 months. Darn, I still even have to finish my yoga posts….you probably think I’m a slacker. But I just got super busy to write them.

There are some things that have remained unchanged, but I’m okay with those staying like that for awhile. What hasn’t changed you ask? Oh just my love life. It’s quite non-existent, but that’s kind of on me.

Anyway, I hope to start writing again and catching up once I’m done finals! Just one more week!

 

xoxo

“New Year, New Me”

It’s 2016 and with that, a lot of changes and new adventures. There’s a reason as to why, I decided to write this morning. I was scrolling through my Instagram feed and there it was, people already judging others for their new years resolutions, mocking their “new year, new me” aspirations. Why would anyone mock others for the goals that they have?

I decided that I wanted to write about this. It is quite common for people to make new year resolutions. I think about 95% of the population does it (I’m just making numbers up here, but if you want some more “real” numbers, check this page out New Years Resolution Statistics). It’s nice to have goals, to plan what you want out of the year.

I’m not being sensitive I just wanted to share my opinion on it. I know that trolls exist on the internet, but when I always see friends posting memes, captions or statuses mocking or ridiculing the idea of resolutions. I think you’re an asshole. And I learned not to go to you to discuss my goals and dreams. I know some people might forget about their resolutions after January or maybe they just decided not to discuss it with you anymore.

Some people can’t achieve their resolutions in one year. It can take a week, a month, a year or more than that. Personally, I’m always goal planning because I like having goals. I like achieving them but the reality is, sometimes it’s not possible. Sometimes goals or priorities change because life happens. Sometimes you realize you can’t achieve it in a year, so it makes your list every year. There is nothing wrong with that. You might realize that’s not what you wanted anymore. Or you realize it will definitely take longer than expected. Or maybe they had no one supporting their resolutions, so they just gave up.

The point of this post was to say this, don’t be an asshole in the new year. Instead, be supportive of your friends with goals. If they want to lose weight, help them reach those goals, go to the gym with them. If they want to travel, share your experiences of different places you have been to. If someone is looking for this year to start fresh, encourage it. Don’t be that negativity in someone’s life.

24

So this year, I have been on quite the journey. It has been a really intense journey and the year isn’t even up yet but I feel like I can share this with you now.
This year I have seen myself walk across the stage and earn my criminology degree, I have finally looked in the mirror and respected and valued what I saw. I also have seen failure and moments of doubt–I have had a growing experience.

I have faced quite a few personal obstacles such as financial problems, self-doubt and a bit of depression. You might think I’m being dramatic but I’m not. Of course, I know that I still have been better off than some people who clearly don’t have a roof over their heads, food on their tables and a permanent support system. I didn’t face that this year but I have in the past.

But because I haven’t faced any of it this year doesn’t mean it hasn’t crossed my mind. I was afraid this year, afraid of just being a complete failure, of not finding my way back to where I once was. I was completely shattered with all those rejection letters, I really thought I wouldn’t get out of the slump. Until someone told me, it was only temporary as long as I kept trying.

This year, I see it as a major adventure. Not only did I have really bad moments but I also had really good ones. I’ve seen my favourite bands in concert, I have gone to Mexico, I learned that all these skills that I have I can use–I don’t have to pick just one.

The most important thing I have learned is to love myself. I learned to love myself by looking at all the things I learned this year, by my failures and success, from what I lost to what I gained.

I may have not handled myself well in the past and sometimes I can still be bratty and irritable when I don’t get my way but it doesn’t last that long. I get over it. This year I learned patience. I learned that you CAN have it all, you just have to work hard and it will come. I learned that even when others are giving you their options, you don’t have to take it. It’s your life and you choose the way you want to live it.

I was reunited with an old dream. I’ve been accepted back into school, I will be studying to be an LAA (legal administrative assistant) and then hope to become a paralegal. Right now, I’m focusing on the LAA program. My problem in the past is I over planned and under accomplished. I spent so much time planning for the future that I didn’t focus on the present. I don’t want to do that again.

I’ve been reunited with my confidence–I had lost my passion for clothes, makeup, making singing videos and just smiling and having no shame in anything that I do.

These days I find myself smiling at myself when I look in the mirror, I like who I am. I’m proud of what I have endured in my 24 years. I see my potential, I see who I am and where I am going. I feel re-aligned and reassured that my future is what I want it to be because of what I’m currently doing.

I love who I surround myself with. I love seeing my family and friends grow as individuals. I don’t get all jealous when my friends are succeeding rather I am the happiest person. I love seeing them become successful, finding love, finding their dream job, travelling, growing, etc. I have friends who get me, who tell it like it is, who make me laugh, who make me continue my dreams. They let me be me.

I’m not giving up on my dreams, I’m not giving up the fight. I love myself enough to continue fighting for what I dreamed of as a little kid. I’ve got this because its love.

I don’t know what these next two months have left in store for me but I honestly accept the challenge. I accept it and I am ready to take it on. I’m ready for that job, ready for that “I survived” moment, I’m just ready.

Newton’s Third Law & My Life

We all have struggles, they’re all different. Some times we are dealt a crappy card deal. Some times you can have it all. The most important thing about dealing with success and with struggles is your behaviour and attitude. At some point, you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself, other times you really need an ego check.

Since June, I’ve had a major reality check. I went from being super confident, super ready to downright upset and curling up into a ball most days. I was a disaster. These few months I have been reflecting on the life that I want, I’ve had and the one I am currently living. I have looked at how I have acted and sometimes it’s just embarrassing. I have carried myself poorly on some occasions, while on other days there was hope.

These past few days, I have been writing (in my journal) about things I have learned and things that have changed. There are a lot of things that I still need to work on. For example, bravery. I’m not as brave as I thought I was when it comes to certain things. I’m not brave enough to face certain problems. I’ll keep these to myself though. I know now when to ask for help. I’m not too big on telling people when I’m upset or hurting but when I do, I have a great support group or that one person who just listens. I’ve been told I’m strong. I can be, I’ve had to be but sometimes you can’t always be strong, you’re allowed to show that you are human. THIS has been my problem. I have always wanted to show how strong I am, how smart, how motivated but behind all this was and sometimes there is a scared individual who is ashamed of her anxiety, afraid of failure, afraid of rejection (to some degree).

Emotions, I need to keep those in check. I need to let logic take control sometimes and not be driven too much by how I feel.

I learned that it’s okay to be lost and confused. Like I have mentioned before, I always had a plan. I had certain goals, certain things that I was going to. I was a major planner. I had planned my whole life out. Life doesn’t work that way.

Newton’s Third Law applies to this: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Basically, every action I was taking in my life, something else was changing. What I thought would make me happy was actually taking a toll on me, on my personal life, on my mental health. I was spending so much time planning out my future that my whole world just decided to take a moment and stop.  At first, I was so pissed off that everything I had worked for, those countless hours of studying, hours of volunteering, refraining from partying and drinking and going out for all of it, didn’t pan out. The past few days, I realized I have learned a lot more about myself the past few months than I ever did while I was in school. I was too focused on school to think about WHO I WAS. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to plan your life out, sometimes it works for others but when you solely focus on one thing and shut out all your other dreams and goals, you get a mass disaster within your mind. The pressure just builds up and it no longer makes you happy. I was too focused on the future, I didn’t think of the present, I focused on how happy I WAS going to be rather than HOW happy I AM NOW working on my future.

Yesterday, I came full circle. I made a decision to return to my original plan to work smart and get there. I already have had to endure the hardest part which was figuring out my life. To figure out who I am, what I like, what I want to do. Rather than planning these past few months, I just decided to let it run its course. And guess what, I went on vacation (I didn’t plan this, it just happened), I’ve lost weight (I plan my workouts but I let it be a part of me, not something I HAVE TO DO), I see my friends a bit more which usually never happened, I communicate with my parents, I’m feeling sure of myself. I am feeling better, I’m starting to see clearly. I did stuff this summer that reminded me of what I actually want. I was a security guard, it made me realize, I didn’t want to be a police officer or a jail guard. I know what I want now. I’m not saying that because I know now, things won’t change. Things always change. I just have to be reminding myself to control how I react. You can’t control other people and what they think of you, you can’t control not getting into grad school, etc.

Now, I still don’t have a job yet but things are starting to look up. I learned that you can only control how you deal with a situation. I have learned it’s not THAT YOU TRY but HOW. I am learning to stop making excuses for myself as to why and move on.

Life is Newton’s Third Law. But how you deal with it, is what matters most. Just keep moving forward even when life tries to pull you back.