2019: The Self-Care Challenge

Happy New Year friends and readers!

Another year has come and gone, last year was quite the roller coaster. Personally, I had some challenges that I had to deal with. There was a lot of insecurity, self-doubt, loss of myself, you name it. I had to start taking anxiety medications, which was something I hoped to never do. I dealt with a lot of personal failures and had a hard time overcoming them. I felt sad and defeated.

As the year was drawing closer to an end, I realized many things which I will not dive into at the moment, but I knew that I had to make a decision that would benefit me. Just me.

I have spent so much time worrying about everything and everyone around me. Their perceptions and opinions of me that I let myself go. I had many plans last year and I just did not execute them. I told myself that I could not let that happen again.

So I decided that I would do something for myself each and every day, thus creating the self-care challenge. They say it takes 21 days to form a habit. So why not do something for me. You all know how I feel about calling things a challenge, but here we are. This year my goal is to take care of me. It can be the smallest of things such as dry brushing before showering to seeing a friend for coffee. This year, I want to embrace myself. My identity. I want to take care of me. This year is going to be full of changes and I want to know that at the end of the day, I did them for me and no one else.

So here we are, I am back this year. This year ready to share who I am. I have taken such a break from writing and although, I am not the greatest at it. It’s the best way I can get my message across.

So here’s to being the best version of yourself that you want to be. Not the one your parents want, your friends, your boss, just be who you want to be.


Martha

Homeless

Definition of homeless

:having no home or permanent place of residence 

homelessness

noun

I remember.
days where we had a roof over our heads
but struggled between food on our table and hot showers in the winter.
I remember.
the months where we had a roof over our heads
but we shared a two bed motel room and meals provided
by our local food bank.
I remember.
having a roof over our heads
but showing up to school and being made fun of
for being on the lunch program.
I remember.
having a roof over our heads
but suddenly moving once again
because we could no longer afford it.
I remember.
This was my definition of homelessness.
I remember.
I was scared and shivering.
I remember.
Having to choose between toys and the important things.
I remember.
Crying and not understanding why.
I remember the stress, the struggle
the division of our family.
I remember thinking I was too young to feel this stressed.
Being worried about what would happen.
I remember.
As long as we are together we are home.
We have now found home.
but I think about those who haven’t.
Will they ever find home?

Mirror

We never had the best relationship.

It started at such a young age.

It could have been those 7 years of bad luck,

from the time I let you fall and shatter into a million pieces.

It could have been revenge,

You took joy from seeing my insecurities, my tears and disgust.

You would show me all the things that were wrong.

You haven’t been fully in my life since I was 16.

There would be glimpses of you whever I went,

when I walk the streets, the stores, even in a puddle,

And you would show me again and again what was wrong.

I am older now and I have let you back in my life.

I decide what you show me. I let you see my vulnerablities.

I let you see my emotions.

I give you permission to see me.

I do the talking.