We never had the best relationship.
It started at such a young age.
It could have been those 7 years of bad luck,
from the time I let you fall and shatter into a million pieces.
It could have been revenge,
You took joy from seeing my insecurities, my tears and disgust.
You would show me all the things that were wrong.
You haven’t been fully in my life since I was 16.
There would be glimpses of you whever I went,
when I walk the streets, the stores, even in a puddle,
And you would show me again and again what was wrong.
I am older now and I have let you back in my life.
I decide what you show me. I let you see my vulnerablities.
I let you see my emotions.
I give you permission to see me.
I do the talking.
I always wondered what falling in love would be like. Would it a slow gentle fall like leaves falling from the trees or would it be abrupt and explosive? I knew love was out there; there is proof of it everywhere. What I didn’t know is how easily one can fall out of love. To be honest, I always had this idea of what love should be and how it should be felt. I didn’t know that I wouldn’t follow my own rules and ideals about it. When I was in high school, I thought I was in love many times but what did I know about love? I only learned about love from what I had read in my classic novels, Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, The Great Gatsby, Little Women, I can even admit that Twilight made me have certain ideas about what love could be. The thing in common with most of these books is that the characters are usually falling in love. Love is end game. It’s what makes the world go round. It should always win, right? So I guess I figured, I would always have to find a way to be in love. But you know what, falling out of love is another great story on its own. All along, I needed to be in love with one person, one that works hard, knows about failure, success, and pain. I fell out love with people that I thought I needed and fell in love with the right person. Me.
I was feeling empty and cold,
My heart frozen in time.
Nothing able to re-ignite that love,
Nothing to remind me of what could be.
It wasn’t till I heard your voice,
That gentle, calming voice.
That spark it ignited, the warmth it brought,
I could feel my soul heating up.
That passion that was once lost,
Brought back by an old friend,
Who had been locked away in the back of my mind,
The excitement of hearing that comforting voice,
Reminding me of who I once was,
Telling me, guiding me.
I could feel the warmth rise through my veins,
Radiating heat, it was a good kind of burning,
I remembered what I once wanted.
How one downfall had left me frozen,
Here I was again, enjoying the heat,
Bathing myself in glory.
I had been waiting for the sun,
But all along, it was within me,
Waiting for the day, I was no longer afraid.
The only fever, I have ever loved,
The only burning and warmth, I have cared for.
I will try not to forget,
That I love what I do.
So this was written in 2014 and I submitted it to be published in my school magazine, unfortunately it was not picked but I decided to post it on the blog to share with you. I was sad for awhile because I thought it was just terrible but my sister said it wasn’t picked because it was terrible but because there were other submissions that were more of what they were looking for. Anyway, here it is. ❤