Where I’m At

You think I may have forgotten about blogging, but in all honesty, I just haven’t had any time. I’m that friend who says we should hang out, but never actually makes it out. That is my life right now.

I have been working Monday to Friday, I am taking two online classes (oh, right, I should mention that I’m enrolled in the Paralegal program…) and I am training for a 10k run.

The year has just started and I’m pretty swamped. At least, that’s how I’ve been feeling. I’m sure I’m handling it better that it feels half of the time. Do you ever just feel like there’s not enough time in a day to get through everything you need to? Sometimes I wish there were two of me, but then that is also weird and probably freak a lot of people out.

I wish I had more time for writing, or at least actually put more effort into writing. I wish I had a lot more time to do other things. I haven’t baked or done any crafting in so long. I miss doing some of my things. I hope things slow down soon, so I can do more things I enjoy.

I went out today for some personal time off. It was nice and sunny, although Vancouver is still pretty cold, it was fantastic. My sister and I explored the Tsawwassen area and found a cute little area to watch the ferries come and go.

I hope to write some more things soon. I have to go study for a final now.




Definition of homeless

:having no home or permanent place of residence 



I remember.
days where we had a roof over our heads
but struggled between food on our table and hot showers in the winter.
I remember.
the months where we had a roof over our heads
but we shared a two bed motel room and meals provided
by our local food bank.
I remember.
having a roof over our heads
but showing up to school and being made fun of
for being on the lunch program.
I remember.
having a roof over our heads
but suddenly moving once again
because we could no longer afford it.
I remember.
This was my definition of homelessness.
I remember.
I was scared and shivering.
I remember.
Having to choose between toys and the important things.
I remember.
Crying and not understanding why.
I remember the stress, the struggle
the division of our family.
I remember thinking I was too young to feel this stressed.
Being worried about what would happen.
I remember.
As long as we are together we are home.
We have now found home.
but I think about those who haven’t.
Will they ever find home?


We never had the best relationship.

It started at such a young age.

It could have been those 7 years of bad luck,

from the time I let you fall and shatter into a million pieces.

It could have been revenge,

You took joy from seeing my insecurities, my tears and disgust.

You would show me all the things that were wrong.

You haven’t been fully in my life since I was 16.

There would be glimpses of you whever I went,

when I walk the streets, the stores, even in a puddle,

And you would show me again and again what was wrong.

I am older now and I have let you back in my life.

I decide what you show me. I let you see my vulnerablities.

I let you see my emotions.

I give you permission to see me.

I do the talking.


Drunken thoughts.

It was the little things about you.

The little things we used to do.

They’re gone now.

Everything we do now, it feels forced.

I want to tell you that I love you.

I just can’t seem to let the world slip out of my mouth.

I want you to know. I really do. Even now, as I drink.

The sweet taste becomes a burn. I think about how I am not important to you.

How it seems like I never was….How it seems like I was just a temporary replacement.

It was the little things.

It was the longing stares.

It was the deep conversations about where we wanted to go and who we wanted to be.

I want to tell you that after all this time. I still feel some sort of way.

But what will that even do?

It’s not going to change anything. No matter how much I wish it to be.