Living in a modern world

With everyone constantly on their phones, we rarely look up. We find ourselves only involving ourselves in conversations about what we saw online, or about her snap or about his post. We share news articles because everyone does it. We make everything a trend.

It has been advantageous to some degree. We share bits in pieces of our lives without having to constantly see each other. We learn about worldwide problems with the click of a mouse. We can meet people without having to ever leave the house first. 

There is pretty much an app for everything. I’m not necessarily complaining. It’s just everything is so within reach. It feels too easy. Perhaps I slightly like a more challenging environment. Perhaps I want something with more meaning. 

We live in such a world of oversharing. I’ve tried to get on this boat, but the more I’m on it. The more I want to run away. Maybe I’m just tired today. Maybe I’ve been tired for awhile. I’m being hypocritical also, I mean what did I use to write this? My phone, while drinking my Starbucks coffee. You see…it’s just the world we live in. I’m still learning to adapt to it. It can just be a little suffocating. 

2017: The year of doing 

Everyone’s writing their resolutions or have set plans for this year. One of my friends asked me what my resolutions were for this year, I didn’t even know how to answer. I figured my year would be like any year. Try and travel, try and go on more adventures, try something new. I realized, I’m a trier but rarely a do-er. 

I want to save up but never do. I want to travel but never plan a trip. I want to go on adventures but find myself watching Netflix or reading. This year, I want it to be different.

I want to be financially responsible while paying off debt, I still want to manage having some fun. It’s going to take work and a lot of self-control. I will have to figure out what to give up on…maybe Starbucks…who am I kidding? It’ll probably be giving up buying clothes, lipstick and shoes. I need my Starbucks. 

This year, I want to invest in myself, my mental health by taking breaks. Seeing the world and not let debt take over my life. I want to be so refreshed so that next year I’m ready to tackle the biggest but most exciting event of my life.

I have a four month plan to pay off a certain amount of debt but also save up for a trip to Nicaragua. I hope that sharing this with you, it makes me accountable, plus it would be kickass to write about it in the near future. 

I will begin fully studying for the LSAT. I will save up to volunteer abroad. I just want to build a life, I’m proud of. All these things on my bucket list and I haven’t managed to cross any off in awhile because I’ve been so scared of fully committing. 

I guess I’ll keep you updated. And if any of you have any financial or tips on how to conquer this, please leave me a comment! 

But I don’t want to sound stupid…

For those of you reading this, you may not know this but I hate asking questions. Okay, not hate but it causes me great discomfort to raise my hand, to knock on a door, to question my own abilities and what not. I’ve never been big on asking questions or stating the answers. I just never like speaking out loud. I don’t know why. I just don’t.

Unfortunately, this has caused me to miss out on a lot. I never got to know the answers to a lot of things because of my little fear. I missed out on answering a lot of questions and getting that darn participation mark at school. I never learned to properly process my own thoughts out loud.

Well, I have to now. It causes me such pain. I know I’m sounding a bit dramatic but as an introvert and someone who tends to grasp things quite well, I haven’t been having that much luck. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that this whole new work thing and socializing is outside of my comfort zone. Don’t get me wrong, I like actually going to work every day and conversing with my co-workers, but when it comes down to it–I’m really bad at communicating with others. It all sounds great in my head, but when the words come out–yikes!

I begin to stutter, I pause, I give off a blank stare and then get lost in my head where I start to have this little conversation with myself about how dumb I must look, or how they think I must be an idiot or something a long those lines. I become a hot mess.

I’ve had to ask many questions the past few weeks–where is this, how do i do that, where does this go, what does this mean, and will I get better? These things have been coming out of my mouth and I find myself apologizing to my co-workers and other staff about not grasping things as fast as I thought I would. I apologize for asking questions about things I actually don’t know. I find myself having conversations with myself and freaking out about sounding dumb in front of everyone. I need to ask them questions, but I’m scared of looking dumb when in reality I actually need to ask them how to do them or else I’ll never actually know how to. (Sigh)

It’s not that I can’t converse with anyone, I can have conversations with people I have known for awhile, but every time I’m thrown into a new environment I turn into an awkward human who stutters and feels embarrassed all the time. I constantly feel like I’m being judged–even though deep down inside I know I’m not.

Let me put it this way, I’m the type of person to ask my friends on whether my question is good enough to ask out loud–Yes, my fear of public conversation is that bad.

Anyway now with having written all of this, perhaps it’ll get better.


I’m Back!

Okay, so I know it has been awhile. I didn’t think that I would stay away from writing for this long, but it happened. I got extremely busy with my legal administrative assistant (LAA) program and I had to prioritize between completing my assignments, studying and a lot of other things that were on my plate.

Now I’m officially back.

I finally completed the program and I did very well. I don’t want to brag but my hard work really paid off in the end. I have accomplished a lot in my academic life, but this was something that I knew was going to kick off a new beginning. It was a very intense program, but I knew I made the right decision when I enrolled. I just completed my first week in my position (Oh yeah, I also got a job right out of my practicum placement) and so far, I am loving it. I have been bombarded with training and I’m still trying to find my flow of how to do things and where things are, but the people I work with have been extremely fabulous about helping me out and showing me how things are done. They are patient and teach me little things that will help me adjust in the right way.

I love being exposed to the legal world. I love the legal world. I hope to expand my knowledge and learn a lot more about it while I’m wrapped up in it.

Having a job is something I really needed, I know it has only been a week, but I feel like it already has changed something in me. I feel a lot more independent and free. I come home  tired but content with what I’m doing. It also has changed the way I think about my future and I hope to see myself indulging and diving into more roles in the legal world.

I immersed myself so much into my studies that I neglected a lot of things–my health, my sanity, my friendships, and relationships. My family has been quite a foundation in terms of getting to where I am today. We have our ups and downs, we have our differing views of how things should be, but I know that everything they do for me is with good intentions. We are learning together that things are changing, that we are growing up, that we cannot take adventures together, that plans don’t always happen when we want to, but that doesn’t change the fact that I will always be grateful and love them. My friends have also understood that when I’m focused on one thing, I want to finish it before I get distracted. So it was also helpful to complete my phase one goals (Yes, I use phases) and then still have them around to share my joy with. So thank you to my friends for sticking around. Thanks for sharing in my success and I’m proud of all my friends too and their journeys.

I have so much to catch up on in terms of books I have yet to read, blogs that I have not even submitted, clearly I still need to work on my writing but I will get there soon. I have a lot more down time on the weekends for thinking, reading, exploring, and whatever else is out there.

I’m finally back.

Oh hey there!

Yikes!  I have not been around to keep you updated on my life. There isn’t much to say because I’ve been so busy. But the semester is now over and all I have left are finals. Yep, Finals!

I honestly cannot believe how fast this program went, even though each month felt like it was moving at a glacial pace. I’m going to be at practicum for two weeks, so I’m not even sure if I’ll come back to writing some fun adventurous stuff for all of you. Maybe I can write about my experience!

I have a list of things I want to talk about with all of you, like how I was Vegan for 6 months or a how-to survive condensed programs….there’s a lot more. I guess I just want to cover all my bases of all I have done in the past 7 months. Darn, I still even have to finish my yoga posts….you probably think I’m a slacker. But I just got super busy to write them.

There are some things that have remained unchanged, but I’m okay with those staying like that for awhile. What hasn’t changed you ask? Oh just my love life. It’s quite non-existent, but that’s kind of on me.

Anyway, I hope to start writing again and catching up once I’m done finals! Just one more week!