I’m Back!

Okay, so I know it has been awhile. I didn’t think that I would stay away from writing for this long, but it happened. I got extremely busy with my legal administrative assistant (LAA) program and I had to prioritize between completing my assignments, studying and a lot of other things that were on my plate.

Now I’m officially back.

I finally completed the program and I did very well. I don’t want to brag but my hard work really paid off in the end. I have accomplished a lot in my academic life, but this was something that I knew was going to kick off a new beginning. It was a very intense program, but I knew I made the right decision when I enrolled. I just completed my first week in my position (Oh yeah, I also got a job right out of my practicum placement) and so far, I am loving it. I have been bombarded with training and I’m still trying to find my flow of how to do things and where things are, but the people I work with have been extremely fabulous about helping me out and showing me how things are done. They are patient and teach me little things that will help me adjust in the right way.

I love being exposed to the legal world. I love the legal world. I hope to expand my knowledge and learn a lot more about it while I’m wrapped up in it.

Having a job is something I really needed, I know it has only been a week, but I feel like it already has changed something in me. I feel a lot more independent and free. I come home  tired but content with what I’m doing. It also has changed the way I think about my future and I hope to see myself indulging and diving into more roles in the legal world.

I immersed myself so much into my studies that I neglected a lot of things–my health, my sanity, my friendships, and relationships. My family has been quite a foundation in terms of getting to where I am today. We have our ups and downs, we have our differing views of how things should be, but I know that everything they do for me is with good intentions. We are learning together that things are changing, that we are growing up, that we cannot take adventures together, that plans don’t always happen when we want to, but that doesn’t change the fact that I will always be grateful and love them. My friends have also understood that when I’m focused on one thing, I want to finish it before I get distracted. So it was also helpful to complete my phase one goals (Yes, I use phases) and then still have them around to share my joy with. So thank you to my friends for sticking around. Thanks for sharing in my success and I’m proud of all my friends too and their journeys.

I have so much to catch up on in terms of books I have yet to read, blogs that I have not even submitted, clearly I still need to work on my writing but I will get there soon. I have a lot more down time on the weekends for thinking, reading, exploring, and whatever else is out there.

I’m finally back.

Saturday Morning Thoughts

Okay, technically it’s almost noon but to be fair, I stayed up really late last night watching Mockingjay Part 1 with my family so I slept in. And by the time this has been posted it will probably be 12:30….sorry!

Every morning, I try to sit on my bed for a few minutes and look out the window. I don’t know why I like to do this lately, but I just sit on my bed and stare and think. Sometimes I don’t even think at all. I just let my mind wander. Some days, I write what I’m feeling in my journal but today I decided to share it with all of you.

Today, I decided to focus on how I feel on all levels. I want to share where I’m at. This way perhaps you guys can see something in me that I haven’t yet. I’m basically writing to you while I think, so it might be all over the place.

Physically, I feel sore. I worked out intensely yesterday so my glutes and shoulders are sore. I’ve decided to try this new workout regiment that focuses on 15 minutes of intense movement with short breaks in between, so far I think It’s working. I like how I feel after working out. I feel re-energized. I think sticking to a work out regiment is really helping me feel like I’m in control of my life and what I do. I feel like an adult who is trying hard to balance being healthy but also ready to take on the tasks of when I start working fully again. Plus there are a few other benefits, like oh my belly is looking flatter!! 😀 (BONUS!!)

Mentally, I feel alright. I don’t feel stressed, I don’t feel worried. I think I’m always mentally exhausted. This comes from thinking way too much. I have that problem or blessing. I don’t know, you decide. Lately, I’ve decided that there are things I cannot control and that is okay. I control how I react to them. For example, I got a rejection email the other day and I said “Fine, I didn’t want the job anyway and something else will come along”. It seems a little aggressive when you read it like that but I just laughed it off and felt a lot better. Something will come along that I will be happy to get but before that I have to go through small little obstacles and reality checks. I’m okay with that, it just means I still have a nice break to relax and figure out who I am. It’s like dating, you have to sometimes date sucky guys in order to find that one that doesn’t suck. I’m so great with words, aren’t I?

Emotionally, I think I am great. I feel quite balanced most days. Other days, I do have a sense of anxiety wash over me and I just curl up into a ball but then I tell myself that it’s okay and I just breathe or cry it out. I then feel a lot better for a few days and I think I’m starting to get a better grip on my anxiety. I have heard my mom talking to my dad that she worries that I’ll get depressed and we’ve talked about keeping busy so that I don’t but I don’t think that would be possible. I feel defeated at times but I think I’ve got it down to just push myself harder. I think that’s why I like working out a lot because it keeps me going and happy. The more I work out, the better I feel. Perhaps I also need to find a way to hang with friends but no one really texts me so I just hang alone or with my mom which works for me cause lately it’s just us two anyway.

Spiritually, I feel balanced. Some days, I am hopeful and happy and feeling whole. Others, I feel empty but in a way that makes me question and wonder. I like this feeling of questioning everything because when it’s answered you just feel like you’ve witnessed a little miracle in your personal life and its a secret between you and your thoughts. Everyday I do try to stay positive and hopeful. Sometimes I do get agitated and can be quite irritable but I try to fix that right up. No one likes an irritated and easily agitated person. That’s where I focus on calming myself down. I think focusing on my beliefs and my thoughts really helps sometimes.

You’re probably thinking this is quite a random post, I just thought I’d share where I’m at in my life. Today is an absolutely stunning day, the weather is crisp but comforting. I woke up with a smile on my face and now I know today will be a good day.

Happy Saturday!