Saturday Morning Thoughts

Okay, technically it’s almost noon but to be fair, I stayed up really late last night watching Mockingjay Part 1 with my family so I slept in. And by the time this has been posted it will probably be 12:30….sorry!

Every morning, I try to sit on my bed for a few minutes and look out the window. I don’t know why I like to do this lately, but I just sit on my bed and stare and think. Sometimes I don’t even think at all. I just let my mind wander. Some days, I write what I’m feeling in my journal but today I decided to share it with all of you.

Today, I decided to focus on how I feel on all levels. I want to share where I’m at. This way perhaps you guys can see something in me that I haven’t yet. I’m basically writing to you while I think, so it might be all over the place.

Physically, I feel sore. I worked out intensely yesterday so my glutes and shoulders are sore. I’ve decided to try this new workout regiment that focuses on 15 minutes of intense movement with short breaks in between, so far I think It’s working. I like how I feel after working out. I feel re-energized. I think sticking to a work out regiment is really helping me feel like I’m in control of my life and what I do. I feel like an adult who is trying hard to balance being healthy but also ready to take on the tasks of when I start working fully again. Plus there are a few other benefits, like oh my belly is looking flatter!! 😀 (BONUS!!)

Mentally, I feel alright. I don’t feel stressed, I don’t feel worried. I think I’m always mentally exhausted. This comes from thinking way too much. I have that problem or blessing. I don’t know, you decide. Lately, I’ve decided that there are things I cannot control and that is okay. I control how I react to them. For example, I got a rejection email the other day and I said “Fine, I didn’t want the job anyway and something else will come along”. It seems a little aggressive when you read it like that but I just laughed it off and felt a lot better. Something will come along that I will be happy to get but before that I have to go through small little obstacles and reality checks. I’m okay with that, it just means I still have a nice break to relax and figure out who I am. It’s like dating, you have to sometimes date sucky guys in order to find that one that doesn’t suck. I’m so great with words, aren’t I?

Emotionally, I think I am great. I feel quite balanced most days. Other days, I do have a sense of anxiety wash over me and I just curl up into a ball but then I tell myself that it’s okay and I just breathe or cry it out. I then feel a lot better for a few days and I think I’m starting to get a better grip on my anxiety. I have heard my mom talking to my dad that she worries that I’ll get depressed and we’ve talked about keeping busy so that I don’t but I don’t think that would be possible. I feel defeated at times but I think I’ve got it down to just push myself harder. I think that’s why I like working out a lot because it keeps me going and happy. The more I work out, the better I feel. Perhaps I also need to find a way to hang with friends but no one really texts me so I just hang alone or with my mom which works for me cause lately it’s just us two anyway.

Spiritually, I feel balanced. Some days, I am hopeful and happy and feeling whole. Others, I feel empty but in a way that makes me question and wonder. I like this feeling of questioning everything because when it’s answered you just feel like you’ve witnessed a little miracle in your personal life and its a secret between you and your thoughts. Everyday I do try to stay positive and hopeful. Sometimes I do get agitated and can be quite irritable but I try to fix that right up. No one likes an irritated and easily agitated person. That’s where I focus on calming myself down. I think focusing on my beliefs and my thoughts really helps sometimes.

You’re probably thinking this is quite a random post, I just thought I’d share where I’m at in my life. Today is an absolutely stunning day, the weather is crisp but comforting. I woke up with a smile on my face and now I know today will be a good day.

Happy Saturday!