I will make time for…

So I was inspired to write this post after watching one of my favourite youtubers, she made a video about what she plans on making more time for in her life and picked 5 different things. As I was watching it, I realized I’m always saying I’m going to do certain things but I never really do or I don’t make it a priority like other things in my life. It’s such a great video!

Now my five things, I’ve always been that person who gets interested with something for awhile but then after a few months, I get bored. I might have commitment issues, I don’t know. Or I just like a lot of things and can’t stick to them because every little thing fascinates me. This time my goal is to ensure that I complete all of these or make them apart of my daily routines. So here we go:

Learn a new word every day. I’ve decided I want to expand my vocabulary. Although I’m quite the avid reader, I feel like I don’t use some of those words that express how I really feel. Perhaps it has to do with everyone basically making things up like BAE, TOTES and whatever else exists, I would like to use words such as Impetuous, vexatious, raconteur, and so forth . I’m going to do this. I will try to incorporate it into my daily conversations, posts or tweets. Screen Shot 2015-11-06 at 7.13.55 PMWork on my American Sign Language. Aside from the basics, I’m actually really bad at it. I have a hard time understanding some (okay, most) of the words, it’s probably because the signs have also changed and I’m super slow at picking it up. So I’ve decided to practice at least 20 minutes a day. I’ve even downloaded an app to help me.

Screen Shot 2015-11-06 at 7.15.26 PMWatch a TedTalks video once a week. I’ve always loved watching TedTalks. I always learn something new from them and they’re always so inspiring. My goal is to watch as many as I can. I think that there is always one thing that the speakers say that always resonates with me, so that is why I want to watch them.

Screen Shot 2015-11-06 at 7.19.05 PM

Friends. I’ve always been really bad at seeing my friends. I always had an excuse. I’m always saying I’m busy with school or life. The reason I have all the time is that I’m broke which is valid and I don’t like spending when I can’t afford to. Even though that’s true, I still want to find a way to see them more even if it’s for a walk or a coffee. With school starting in January for me, I want to see them at least once a week.

Lastly, I want to make time to take care of my mental health. This is actually one of my goals that I have on my vision board. I have been neglecting taking care of my mind in the past and I really don’t want to do that anymore. I even downloaded an app that has been helping me with anxiety, it’s called the MindShift App. It honestly has been super helpful, I would recommend it to anyone who suffers from anxiety at the worst of times especially during school or midterms. Again with school starting, I want to be able to have a clear mind and be successful. Also, in order to take care of my mind, I want to try to incorporate more yoga , exercise and healthy eating. I like watching Yoga with Adriene, I have been doing two training guides one by Kayla Itsines and HIIT MAX and I also use the Calorie Tracker App to make sure I eat healthy. I don’t really use it to track my calories but I ensure I drink water, exercise and don’t eat things that could cloud my mind or make my body feel groggy.

Screen Shot 2015-11-06 at 7.32.30 PM

So I hope you enjoy my list of what I plan to make time for. I hope that by sharing them with you, it makes me more responsible to accomplish them. If there are five things you would want to make more time for, what would they be? Feel free to leave them in the comments.

24

So this year, I have been on quite the journey. It has been a really intense journey and the year isn’t even up yet but I feel like I can share this with you now.
This year I have seen myself walk across the stage and earn my criminology degree, I have finally looked in the mirror and respected and valued what I saw. I also have seen failure and moments of doubt–I have had a growing experience.

I have faced quite a few personal obstacles such as financial problems, self-doubt and a bit of depression. You might think I’m being dramatic but I’m not. Of course, I know that I still have been better off than some people who clearly don’t have a roof over their heads, food on their tables and a permanent support system. I didn’t face that this year but I have in the past.

But because I haven’t faced any of it this year doesn’t mean it hasn’t crossed my mind. I was afraid this year, afraid of just being a complete failure, of not finding my way back to where I once was. I was completely shattered with all those rejection letters, I really thought I wouldn’t get out of the slump. Until someone told me, it was only temporary as long as I kept trying.

This year, I see it as a major adventure. Not only did I have really bad moments but I also had really good ones. I’ve seen my favourite bands in concert, I have gone to Mexico, I learned that all these skills that I have I can use–I don’t have to pick just one.

The most important thing I have learned is to love myself. I learned to love myself by looking at all the things I learned this year, by my failures and success, from what I lost to what I gained.

I may have not handled myself well in the past and sometimes I can still be bratty and irritable when I don’t get my way but it doesn’t last that long. I get over it. This year I learned patience. I learned that you CAN have it all, you just have to work hard and it will come. I learned that even when others are giving you their options, you don’t have to take it. It’s your life and you choose the way you want to live it.

I was reunited with an old dream. I’ve been accepted back into school, I will be studying to be an LAA (legal administrative assistant) and then hope to become a paralegal. Right now, I’m focusing on the LAA program. My problem in the past is I over planned and under accomplished. I spent so much time planning for the future that I didn’t focus on the present. I don’t want to do that again.

I’ve been reunited with my confidence–I had lost my passion for clothes, makeup, making singing videos and just smiling and having no shame in anything that I do.

These days I find myself smiling at myself when I look in the mirror, I like who I am. I’m proud of what I have endured in my 24 years. I see my potential, I see who I am and where I am going. I feel re-aligned and reassured that my future is what I want it to be because of what I’m currently doing.

I love who I surround myself with. I love seeing my family and friends grow as individuals. I don’t get all jealous when my friends are succeeding rather I am the happiest person. I love seeing them become successful, finding love, finding their dream job, travelling, growing, etc. I have friends who get me, who tell it like it is, who make me laugh, who make me continue my dreams. They let me be me.

I’m not giving up on my dreams, I’m not giving up the fight. I love myself enough to continue fighting for what I dreamed of as a little kid. I’ve got this because its love.

I don’t know what these next two months have left in store for me but I honestly accept the challenge. I accept it and I am ready to take it on. I’m ready for that job, ready for that “I survived” moment, I’m just ready.

Every single time I write

Every single time I write to you.

I feel so exposed.

I’m sharing a piece of me with you.

I let you see my weaknesses, my strengths

what makes me tick and what makes me smile.

I feel so exposed but so content.

All that I had bottled up inside

is now being aired out.

I let you read my mind,

I let you in.

Every single time that I write.

I feel vulnerable.

I’m afraid that you’ll hold it against me.

Every single time,

I feel so exposed

like you won’t want me.

I feel like you knowing every bit about me,

will either make you want to run

but I hope it makes you want to stay.

Every single time I write.

International Day of Peace

It’s International Day of Peace!

In a world filled with chaos, stories filling up our news feeds and timelines about devastation, political conflicts and unrest, sometimes we forget that there is more good in the world than “evil”. These issues do have an impact on how we see the world, how we see people and sometimes how we ourselves behave. So I’ve decided to write about one of the most important things that a person needs in their life–Internal Peace. As mentioned, external issues can have an impact and can disrupt our internal peace system. I don’t know the statistics quite well but I know that there are a lot of people with anxiety issues, panic attacks, phobias, etc. These can cause a sense of unease, restlessness and discomfort. External factors can play a major role in how we feel, Of course, it is important to care about the issues and to be passionate about a cause but you also have to make sure that it does not consume you.

Peace within yourself is important because it will allow you to see things from a  different perspective, less anger means more clarity, less frustration means more positive outlooks and vibes. I know what I’m writing is pretty straightforward but sometimes we forget to just be in peace. So I’ve decided to write a few tips on how you might be able to have peace or find peace, if you haven’t already. Finding internal peace sometimes doesn’t happen over night or sometimes it takes an epiphany, sometimes it just happens. Here are somethings that might help, let your internal peace shine and share that with the world, we all know we need more of it.

  • Take a trip/Travel:

I know we all can’t travel all the time but this is something I learned recently, you don’t have to go abroad to find peace, sometimes all you need is a few days in another part of your city or province/state. While I was in Mexico for a week, I learned to relax which is quite rare for me, thus I felt at peace. I wasn’t in my same spot, I felt happier, I felt whole, I was able to think freely and without congestion of what was happening around me because I was having a good time and our resort had no WiFi. I learned that embracing other cultures, other beliefs, other opinions allowed me to think in a different way and let me feel peaceful. Even being on the plane and seeing the earth from the sky made me feel such peace and ease because I allowed myself to be taken by the beauty. I now understand why people spend their whole lives travelling.

  • Read a Book/Listen to Music: 

Okay, I know some of us are not readers but there are a lot of amazing books out there on peace, finding yourself, empathy, etc. There are also a lot of books that make you feel. Sometimes in order to feel peace, you must feel emotions that get you to that moment. I know that sounds crazy but have you ever listened to a song and it made you cry, laugh and literally you went through your mind with so many different emotions and then when it was over, you felt so good. It’s all you need. If books aren’t your thing, then try music. I can suggest a few books that made me feel good, some are just different and the story takes you to this sense of awareness, sense of self, sense of what others can go through. I know you might find some weird or quite odd but these are books that have made me feel peaceful after reading them. I will also list some songs that have inspired me or made me feel so peaceful.

“The Opposite of Loneliness” by Marina Keegan

“Little Women” by Louisa May Alcott

“Love Song” By Alex Miller

“How to be Parisian wherever you are: Love, Style & Bad Habits” by Anne Berest, Audrey Diwan, Caroline De Maigret, & Sophie Mas

I hope you enjoy all of these or some of these! Let me know what your experience is after listening or reading these!

  • Social Media Detox

Sometimes you just need to block everything. I know that in a world where something is always happening, you want to stay on top and in touch with it all. It’s important I get that but sometimes it can be disruptive to your mind and soul. So I say take a break from social media and focus on you. It’ll help heal a lot of things that have been bothering you.

  • Write

You know me, I write a lot. I have loads of journals, sometimes you just need to vent and write it out. I know not all of us can write but you can draw it out too.

  • Work Out

Okay, so you might think this one is weird but working out has led me to become quite confident because it requires discipline, focusing on breathing and understanding and listening to your body, I believe I’m at peace when I work out because I’m focused on myself and I shut out everything. I also believe that confidence is a benefit from being at peace with yourself.

  • Yoga & Breathing

So this one is tied in with working out but even though I’m not good at yoga, It has also helped me understand myself and those 15 minutes I do yoga, I feel so peaceful.

  • Have Fun

Don’t work too hard, don’t stress yourself out. I am now an advocate for having fun. Of course, you need down time but having fun in healthy ways can really balance you out. Balance is an important part of being peaceful inside.

There are a lot of other ways to find internal peace, some choose a belief, religion, music, food, meditation, etc. Just find what works for you. When you find peace within yourself, your light will shine and when your light shines, it touches people.

Let’s find peace! Also, if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to leave me a message! When you feel like you’re going through a really tough time, you just need someone to listen or to read what you have to say and just be there but don’t want to go to people we know, you have me–I will not judge you, harass you or make you feel any worse, that’s my promise.

Don’t Worry About Me

There has been a constant “Oh, dear we hope you find someone soon!” or the oh-so familiar “You don’t want to stay single for too long, you don’t want to miss the boat”…What boat?  I haven’t even arrived to the port. I’m not going to whine and complain that I’m sick of hearing that because I really just don’t care. Even though I am writing a post about it…The problem is people concern themselves with issues that they don’t need to. I’ve surrounded myself with like-minded people who either are in amazing relationships, married, engaged or are single like me who just don’t give a crap about what others have to say about their relationship status. Yes, you’ll hear me say wow, my friends are getting engaged and married or into relationships and I’m still here…but I say it proudly because one day or sooner, I will be one of those friends too or not.

I’ve gotten a few “but you know you don’t want to be too old to start a family” or “you’ve been single for two years? but how do you manage?”. It’s a simple yet quite fascinating answer. I just don’t care. Don’t get me wrong, If someone were to ask me out right now, I would consider it. Why? Well, because I am okay with being in a relationship or being single. I don’t need people to dictate when I should be ready or that I should hurry because it’s none of their business. I’m happy being single and I’ll be happy in a relationship. My relationship status does not dictate my level of happiness. I have more important things to worry about like finding a job that makes me happy, living a life that I can be proud of, being happy with my family, going out with friends, having fun. If I am able to share that with someone one day or if I don’t, I’m cool with that.

You’re telling me that I’m getting close to my thirties and it’ll be harder to have kids. Well, it’s my body, my concern. Don’t you worry about me. I know what I’m doing with my life. You just focus on yours. Seriously, I’m good. So if you’re going through this weird phase where everyone is asking and providing if’s, ands, or buts about your life, just say this magical words, Don’t worry about me. It may come off as rude to the person, it may come off as weird or arrogant or whatever but in the end, you’re the only one who can determine what you do with your life whether you date or you don’t, get into a serious relationship, whether you say yes to marriage or prefer to stay single, it’s your life.