Year End Thanks

With only a few days to count down to the new year, I wanted to share things that I have learned and been thankful for this year.

This year solidified my long-term goal. I won’t share too much about that, but this is something that I really want and will continue to work towards. I still have a lot more to learn and there are a few things I need to work on to ensure that I survive what comes next. I need to work on communicating my feelings, my thoughts and frustrations a lot clearer and know that it’s okay to tell people what’s wrong so that I don’t end up drowning in work. In order to contine on this path, I definitely need to build character, but not letting go of trying to be a kind person. So I’m thankful to know that it’s what I really want.

I’m thankful that my family’s health has been on the right track. There have been a few years of stressing out and this year, I have high hopes that it will be okay. Without going into too many details, it’s been really rough not knowing whether everything would be okay. I have definitely gone through some personal struggles trying to cope with it.

I’m thankful for my job. It’s not where I see myself staying long-term but for now, I’m learning more and experiencing a lot of things that I hadn’t before. Again, I have to work on communicating better. I also have to understand that just because I’m new, I shouldn’t let people walk all over me. I don’t have to try and absorb everything so fast and that will get better in time.

I’m thankful for my friends. I don’t have a large group of friends, but the few that I have make me so happy. I love them all for various different reasons, but in the end, they all make my happy. They all have their own personal stories that make me proud of them, they’ve endured their own struggles, they teach me to be a better and braver person. I love them forever.

I will always be thankful for my little family. It has always been us five. We survived a lot of things together. A lot of things that people do not know and probably wouldn’t believe that it happened to us. People call me spoiled, but have no idea as to why I am treated or given things. There have been rough patches with my family–like most families there will be disagreements, frustrations, but at the end of the day, I am happy.

this christmas

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So it’s my favourite time of year – lights shining bright, sweet-smelling homes, frosty toes and all the delicious food. There’s no other holiday that makes me smile. I enjoy all things Christmas — well, maybe not how busy malls can be and the rude attitudes of some people. Either way, Christmas brings me so much joy.

I spend hours making cards, making cookies and perfecting our household decorations. Every year, I try to beat the year before. As I’ve gotten older though, christmas means different things to me. It means more time with my family and my friends. Every one has grown in so many different ways – some have travelled, some have started families, others have left us.

Anyway, I wanted to share some things that make my Christmas special:

  1. Crafting – I’m obsessed with making my christmas cards for my friends. I like to make every single one with details that make me think of them. I love spending time on the details, what I will write in them and my favourite part is when they let me know they’ve recieved them. I’m the corniest person you’ll ever meet, so I’ll probably write something sappy or annoyingly lame.
  2. Decorating – As I started a new job with my own desk, christmas meant something different to me. I, not only got to decorate my room or my house, my desk was another space that I enjoyed decorating. Our department decided to decorate in the most wonderful way. Our theme was winter wonderland. Snowflakes, lights, and smiles. The reaction we received was positive, there’s nothing like seeing people light up over something so simple. I’m obsessed with decorating!Processed with VSCO with a5 preset
  3. Baking – I cannot wait to start baking. It’s a problem. I will bombard my family and friends with baked goods. From gingerbread men, sugar cookies to rice krispy squares. Sometimes cakes and sometimes pies. I love to bake, there’s nothing like holiday baking. I could do this for days!
  4. Adventures – The holidays are never short of fun things to do. Although, some can be pricey, my favourite adventure of all time is seeing people decorate their homes. I love driving around and seeing how people will go above and beyond. I also enjoy going to different malls or parks with lit up trees. I have an obsession with Christmas trees. I love them! In Vancouver, there are so many things to do. We have a Christmas Maze, Christmas Markets, Christmas scenes. There’s always something to do for everyone. I love it!

    Processed with VSCO with a5 preset
    Processed with VSCO with a5 preset
  5. Parties – The one thing I enjoy about the holidays is our annual christmas party at my house. It’s a recently new tradition but there’s nothing like the company of my closest friends, playing games and eating everything in sight!

I’m such a goof when it comes to Christmas. I know I haven’t written in awhile, but I wanted to share what I love most about Christmas. It’s just the happiness of sharing joy with others. It’s the comfort of my knits and sweaters. The sweetness of hot cocoa and baked goods. The smile of children when they see Santa. This Christmas, I hope to spread joy. I hope to make it the best one yet.

xoxo

But I don’t want to sound stupid…

For those of you reading this, you may not know this but I hate asking questions. Okay, not hate but it causes me great discomfort to raise my hand, to knock on a door, to question my own abilities and what not. I’ve never been big on asking questions or stating the answers. I just never like speaking out loud. I don’t know why. I just don’t.

Unfortunately, this has caused me to miss out on a lot. I never got to know the answers to a lot of things because of my little fear. I missed out on answering a lot of questions and getting that darn participation mark at school. I never learned to properly process my own thoughts out loud.

Well, I have to now. It causes me such pain. I know I’m sounding a bit dramatic but as an introvert and someone who tends to grasp things quite well, I haven’t been having that much luck. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that this whole new work thing and socializing is outside of my comfort zone. Don’t get me wrong, I like actually going to work every day and conversing with my co-workers, but when it comes down to it–I’m really bad at communicating with others. It all sounds great in my head, but when the words come out–yikes!

I begin to stutter, I pause, I give off a blank stare and then get lost in my head where I start to have this little conversation with myself about how dumb I must look, or how they think I must be an idiot or something a long those lines. I become a hot mess.

I’ve had to ask many questions the past few weeks–where is this, how do i do that, where does this go, what does this mean, and will I get better? These things have been coming out of my mouth and I find myself apologizing to my co-workers and other staff about not grasping things as fast as I thought I would. I apologize for asking questions about things I actually don’t know. I find myself having conversations with myself and freaking out about sounding dumb in front of everyone. I need to ask them questions, but I’m scared of looking dumb when in reality I actually need to ask them how to do them or else I’ll never actually know how to. (Sigh)

It’s not that I can’t converse with anyone, I can have conversations with people I have known for awhile, but every time I’m thrown into a new environment I turn into an awkward human who stutters and feels embarrassed all the time. I constantly feel like I’m being judged–even though deep down inside I know I’m not.

Let me put it this way, I’m the type of person to ask my friends on whether my question is good enough to ask out loud–Yes, my fear of public conversation is that bad.

Anyway now with having written all of this, perhaps it’ll get better.

 

I’m Back!

Okay, so I know it has been awhile. I didn’t think that I would stay away from writing for this long, but it happened. I got extremely busy with my legal administrative assistant (LAA) program and I had to prioritize between completing my assignments, studying and a lot of other things that were on my plate.

Now I’m officially back.

I finally completed the program and I did very well. I don’t want to brag but my hard work really paid off in the end. I have accomplished a lot in my academic life, but this was something that I knew was going to kick off a new beginning. It was a very intense program, but I knew I made the right decision when I enrolled. I just completed my first week in my position (Oh yeah, I also got a job right out of my practicum placement) and so far, I am loving it. I have been bombarded with training and I’m still trying to find my flow of how to do things and where things are, but the people I work with have been extremely fabulous about helping me out and showing me how things are done. They are patient and teach me little things that will help me adjust in the right way.

I love being exposed to the legal world. I love the legal world. I hope to expand my knowledge and learn a lot more about it while I’m wrapped up in it.

Having a job is something I really needed, I know it has only been a week, but I feel like it already has changed something in me. I feel a lot more independent and free. I come home  tired but content with what I’m doing. It also has changed the way I think about my future and I hope to see myself indulging and diving into more roles in the legal world.

I immersed myself so much into my studies that I neglected a lot of things–my health, my sanity, my friendships, and relationships. My family has been quite a foundation in terms of getting to where I am today. We have our ups and downs, we have our differing views of how things should be, but I know that everything they do for me is with good intentions. We are learning together that things are changing, that we are growing up, that we cannot take adventures together, that plans don’t always happen when we want to, but that doesn’t change the fact that I will always be grateful and love them. My friends have also understood that when I’m focused on one thing, I want to finish it before I get distracted. So it was also helpful to complete my phase one goals (Yes, I use phases) and then still have them around to share my joy with. So thank you to my friends for sticking around. Thanks for sharing in my success and I’m proud of all my friends too and their journeys.

I have so much to catch up on in terms of books I have yet to read, blogs that I have not even submitted, clearly I still need to work on my writing but I will get there soon. I have a lot more down time on the weekends for thinking, reading, exploring, and whatever else is out there.

I’m finally back.

Oh hey there!

Yikes!  I have not been around to keep you updated on my life. There isn’t much to say because I’ve been so busy. But the semester is now over and all I have left are finals. Yep, Finals!

I honestly cannot believe how fast this program went, even though each month felt like it was moving at a glacial pace. I’m going to be at practicum for two weeks, so I’m not even sure if I’ll come back to writing some fun adventurous stuff for all of you. Maybe I can write about my experience!

I have a list of things I want to talk about with all of you, like how I was Vegan for 6 months or a how-to survive condensed programs….there’s a lot more. I guess I just want to cover all my bases of all I have done in the past 7 months. Darn, I still even have to finish my yoga posts….you probably think I’m a slacker. But I just got super busy to write them.

There are some things that have remained unchanged, but I’m okay with those staying like that for awhile. What hasn’t changed you ask? Oh just my love life. It’s quite non-existent, but that’s kind of on me.

Anyway, I hope to start writing again and catching up once I’m done finals! Just one more week!

 

xoxo