Living in a modern world

With everyone constantly on their phones, we rarely look up. We find ourselves only involving ourselves in conversations about what we saw online, or about her snap or about his post. We share news articles because everyone does it. We make everything a trend.

It has been advantageous to some degree. We share bits in pieces of our lives without having to constantly see each other. We learn about worldwide problems with the click of a mouse. We can meet people without having to ever leave the house first. 

There is pretty much an app for everything. I’m not necessarily complaining. It’s just everything is so within reach. It feels too easy. Perhaps I slightly like a more challenging environment. Perhaps I want something with more meaning. 

We live in such a world of oversharing. I’ve tried to get on this boat, but the more I’m on it. The more I want to run away. Maybe I’m just tired today. Maybe I’ve been tired for awhile. I’m being hypocritical also, I mean what did I use to write this? My phone, while drinking my Starbucks coffee. You see…it’s just the world we live in. I’m still learning to adapt to it. It can just be a little suffocating. 

Advertisements

2017: The year of doing 

Everyone’s writing their resolutions or have set plans for this year. One of my friends asked me what my resolutions were for this year, I didn’t even know how to answer. I figured my year would be like any year. Try and travel, try and go on more adventures, try something new. I realized, I’m a trier but rarely a do-er. 

I want to save up but never do. I want to travel but never plan a trip. I want to go on adventures but find myself watching Netflix or reading. This year, I want it to be different.

I want to be financially responsible while paying off debt, I still want to manage having some fun. It’s going to take work and a lot of self-control. I will have to figure out what to give up on…maybe Starbucks…who am I kidding? It’ll probably be giving up buying clothes, lipstick and shoes. I need my Starbucks. 

This year, I want to invest in myself, my mental health by taking breaks. Seeing the world and not let debt take over my life. I want to be so refreshed so that next year I’m ready to tackle the biggest but most exciting event of my life.

I have a four month plan to pay off a certain amount of debt but also save up for a trip to Nicaragua. I hope that sharing this with you, it makes me accountable, plus it would be kickass to write about it in the near future. 

I will begin fully studying for the LSAT. I will save up to volunteer abroad. I just want to build a life, I’m proud of. All these things on my bucket list and I haven’t managed to cross any off in awhile because I’ve been so scared of fully committing. 

I guess I’ll keep you updated. And if any of you have any financial or tips on how to conquer this, please leave me a comment! 

The problem with love 

I’ve never had a way with words,

I’ve always let my actions speak for me.

I’ve also never been the type to let people in easily, 

I’m not saying I let you in easily. It has been a constant struggle. I battled with myself and then it hit me. I just let you have it. It slowly creeped in. 

You still do. You still have it.

I always wanted to feel this way. Always. It’s a beautiful feeling. Everything seems perfect. When you’re around, I can’t help but feel alive and happy. You add to my wholeness. 

But what never occurred to me is that when I was handing it over, 

You weren’t giving anything back. Or maybe you were. I guess I’ll never know.

I guess this is the problem. And now here I am, asking for it back. Please return to sender. Because now it just hurts. 

I didn’t even realize it. Now here I am writing it, pleading for mercy. 

Maybe you had intentions in the beginning, or maybe I had it all wrong. There’s never really a right or wrong, is there? I guess my timing was off, perhaps I fooled myself into believing it could be real. 
I could go over this, all day. Spin the ideas, the what-ifs, but at the end of the day, you still have all of my love. 
And even if I made it clear or obvious, it may have not been to you at all.

Year End Thanks

With only a few days to count down to the new year, I wanted to share things that I have learned and been thankful for this year.

This year solidified my long-term goal. I won’t share too much about that, but this is something that I really want and will continue to work towards. I still have a lot more to learn and there are a few things I need to work on to ensure that I survive what comes next. I need to work on communicating my feelings, my thoughts and frustrations a lot clearer and know that it’s okay to tell people what’s wrong so that I don’t end up drowning in work. In order to contine on this path, I definitely need to build character, but not letting go of trying to be a kind person. So I’m thankful to know that it’s what I really want.

I’m thankful that my family’s health has been on the right track. There have been a few years of stressing out and this year, I have high hopes that it will be okay. Without going into too many details, it’s been really rough not knowing whether everything would be okay. I have definitely gone through some personal struggles trying to cope with it.

I’m thankful for my job. It’s not where I see myself staying long-term but for now, I’m learning more and experiencing a lot of things that I hadn’t before. Again, I have to work on communicating better. I also have to understand that just because I’m new, I shouldn’t let people walk all over me. I don’t have to try and absorb everything so fast and that will get better in time.

I’m thankful for my friends. I don’t have a large group of friends, but the few that I have make me so happy. I love them all for various different reasons, but in the end, they all make my happy. They all have their own personal stories that make me proud of them, they’ve endured their own struggles, they teach me to be a better and braver person. I love them forever.

I will always be thankful for my little family. It has always been us five. We survived a lot of things together. A lot of things that people do not know and probably wouldn’t believe that it happened to us. People call me spoiled, but have no idea as to why I am treated or given things. There have been rough patches with my family–like most families there will be disagreements, frustrations, but at the end of the day, I am happy.

this christmas

cropped-img_0688.jpg

So it’s my favourite time of year – lights shining bright, sweet-smelling homes, frosty toes and all the delicious food. There’s no other holiday that makes me smile. I enjoy all things Christmas — well, maybe not how busy malls can be and the rude attitudes of some people. Either way, Christmas brings me so much joy.

I spend hours making cards, making cookies and perfecting our household decorations. Every year, I try to beat the year before. As I’ve gotten older though, christmas means different things to me. It means more time with my family and my friends. Every one has grown in so many different ways – some have travelled, some have started families, others have left us.

Anyway, I wanted to share some things that make my Christmas special:

  1. Crafting – I’m obsessed with making my christmas cards for my friends. I like to make every single one with details that make me think of them. I love spending time on the details, what I will write in them and my favourite part is when they let me know they’ve recieved them. I’m the corniest person you’ll ever meet, so I’ll probably write something sappy or annoyingly lame.
  2. Decorating – As I started a new job with my own desk, christmas meant something different to me. I, not only got to decorate my room or my house, my desk was another space that I enjoyed decorating. Our department decided to decorate in the most wonderful way. Our theme was winter wonderland. Snowflakes, lights, and smiles. The reaction we received was positive, there’s nothing like seeing people light up over something so simple. I’m obsessed with decorating!Processed with VSCO with a5 preset
  3. Baking – I cannot wait to start baking. It’s a problem. I will bombard my family and friends with baked goods. From gingerbread men, sugar cookies to rice krispy squares. Sometimes cakes and sometimes pies. I love to bake, there’s nothing like holiday baking. I could do this for days!
  4. Adventures – The holidays are never short of fun things to do. Although, some can be pricey, my favourite adventure of all time is seeing people decorate their homes. I love driving around and seeing how people will go above and beyond. I also enjoy going to different malls or parks with lit up trees. I have an obsession with Christmas trees. I love them! In Vancouver, there are so many things to do. We have a Christmas Maze, Christmas Markets, Christmas scenes. There’s always something to do for everyone. I love it!

    Processed with VSCO with a5 preset
    Processed with VSCO with a5 preset
  5. Parties – The one thing I enjoy about the holidays is our annual christmas party at my house. It’s a recently new tradition but there’s nothing like the company of my closest friends, playing games and eating everything in sight!

I’m such a goof when it comes to Christmas. I know I haven’t written in awhile, but I wanted to share what I love most about Christmas. It’s just the happiness of sharing joy with others. It’s the comfort of my knits and sweaters. The sweetness of hot cocoa and baked goods. The smile of children when they see Santa. This Christmas, I hope to spread joy. I hope to make it the best one yet.

xoxo