Drunken thoughts.

It was the little things about you.

The little things we used to do.

They’re gone now.

Everything we do now, it feels forced.

I want to tell you that I love you.

I just can’t seem to let the world slip out of my mouth.

I want you to know. I really do. Even now, as I drink.

The sweet taste becomes a burn. I think about how I am not important to you.

How it seems like I never was….How it seems like I was just a temporary replacement.

It was the little things.

It was the longing stares.

It was the deep conversations about where we wanted to go and who we wanted to be.

I want to tell you that after all this time. I still feel some sort of way.

But what will that even do?

It’s not going to change anything. No matter how much I wish it to be.

 

 

 

Advertisements

The problem with love 

I’ve never had a way with words,

I’ve always let my actions speak for me.

I’ve also never been the type to let people in easily, 

I’m not saying I let you in easily. It has been a constant struggle. I battled with myself and then it hit me. I just let you have it. It slowly creeped in. 

You still do. You still have it.

I always wanted to feel this way. Always. It’s a beautiful feeling. Everything seems perfect. When you’re around, I can’t help but feel alive and happy. You add to my wholeness. 

But what never occurred to me is that when I was handing it over, 

You weren’t giving anything back. Or maybe you were. I guess I’ll never know.

I guess this is the problem. And now here I am, asking for it back. Please return to sender. Because now it just hurts. 

I didn’t even realize it. Now here I am writing it, pleading for mercy. 

Maybe you had intentions in the beginning, or maybe I had it all wrong. There’s never really a right or wrong, is there? I guess my timing was off, perhaps I fooled myself into believing it could be real. 
I could go over this, all day. Spin the ideas, the what-ifs, but at the end of the day, you still have all of my love. 
And even if I made it clear or obvious, it may have not been to you at all.

Lost Faith

You’ve destroyed my sanctuary,

the one place where I could hold my own,

where I could find my peace or lose all control.

I don’t understand what made you this way,

I know I could never but what I don’t know is why

do I have to receive this kind of treatment?

We take punch after punch, every word twisting up my soul.

I try to stay positive that it’s just your mind lost in pain and doses of medication.

But why do we have to take it?

We’re not your¬†property. We’re not something you can just throw away.

We want to fight back, but all we can do is defend ourselves or stay quiet

and wait for the moment to pass.

I hide behind my smiles and laughter, but I’m dying inside.

You’re slowly killing the kindness and happiness you once taught me about.

I won’t let you kill the best parts of me, but it gets too hard.

Jab after jab, these words are engraved into my mind.

I will live with them for the rest of my life,

as a reminder of what you think of me.

You’ve destroyed my sanctuary,

my place of comfort, my place of goals and dreams.

I would prefer a slap to the face than a jab at my heart.

You’ve shattered our humanity. You’ve wondered why with others we are so kind, we do because we try to hold on to what you are destroying.

Our grasp is loosening, we’re wandering alone.

You’ve burned down what meant the most to us.