Drunken thoughts.

It was the little things about you.

The little things we used to do.

They’re gone now.

Everything we do now, it feels forced.

I want to tell you that I love you.

I just can’t seem to let the world slip out of my mouth.

I want you to know. I really do. Even now, as I drink.

The sweet taste becomes a burn. I think about how I am not important to you.

How it seems like I never was….How it seems like I was just a temporary replacement.

It was the little things.

It was the longing stares.

It was the deep conversations about where we wanted to go and who we wanted to be.

I want to tell you that after all this time. I still feel some sort of way.

But what will that even do?

It’s not going to change anything. No matter how much I wish it to be.

 

 

 

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The letter

It wasn’t always like this. Back in the day, I knew where I was going—I had a plan, had it all figured out. I knew what school I’d go to, what my dreams were and who I was going to be. But that was back in the day before I met you.

Now I’m not saying it’s just all your fault but about 80% of it is. You came into my life and made me believe this story. Made me believe you. Made me look forward to our future together. I should have known better. I should have known that you would be selfish and ungrateful. I should have known that you would be contagious. You’re negative attitude would be passed on to me. I should have known.

Sometimes I like to look back at where I used to be and look where I am now. To be honest, I thank you for all that bullshit. Why? Well, because I wouldn’t be where I am today, if you hadn’t taught me a lesson on who I am and who I am supposed to be. Of course, I’m not where I wanted to be when I was with you, which is unfortunate because when you thought you were helping me by “taking a break”, I ended up not doing so well in school and well, there went my law school/ grad school dream.

But like I said, it’s not just your fault. It’s partly mine. I didn’t stand my ground; I let you be an unsupportive human. I let you pick my life for me those days. I gave into that fairytale bullshit where you made me happy but really we weren’t. So now I have to work harder than I ever have. But that’s okay because it’ll make me stronger. I just wanted you to know that you shouldn’t pretend to be someone and then do a 180 and treat someone this way.

Oh, if you didn’t know who wrote you this note, well, that’s a little weird then. I hope you know. I don’t want to have to spell it out for you. No, I’m not angry anymore, I’m not resentful, but I just want you to know what it did to me.

“Are you sure you want to send this” she said as she took a sip of wine.

“Oh, of course I want to send this, are you kidding me?

“I just want to make sure that you do, I’m all for it, he was a jerk anyway”

“Yes, lets send it. He has to know that this is no way to treat a girl you supposedly “love”.

“Alright then, let’s do this” as she handed me the bottle of tequila.