Tell me

If only being so blatantly honest was easy. I would straight up tell you that I love you. I would tell you that you make everything better and you’re one of the reasons I smile. I keep myself up at all hours just waiting to talk to you. Distance isn’t our friend. Distance and time are our worst enemy. You’re there, I’m here. You were here but you were with her. It makes no sense. You’re my friend. We’re going to go on adventures together. I look forward to that. But tell me, what are we?

Hurting

This is the kind of pain that hurts the most,

the one that silently creeps up on you.

The kind that burns the pit of your soul,

the one that wells up in the eyes

when you’re alone.

It’s the kind of pain that no one sees,

but when you’re alone it explodes.

The kind of pain that you hide behind a smile,

the one you silence in public when it decides to show up.

Does anyone else know this kind of pain?

It’s real

I’m not one to say it out loud.
I’ll write it down.
I’ll pretend.
I’ll runaway.

Because once I know that when the words leave my mouth,
it’ll be real,
I’ve exposed what I want,
What I’m feeling.
Once they leave, it’s out there.
It can be used against me,
it can be meant for me,
You never know.

Once the words left my mouth,
I knew that everything would change.
Once someone heard what I have said,
it changed me, it changed them,
it changed what we could be.

It’s real now.
It’s terrifying,
It’s thrilling,
It’s tempting,
It’s still real.

Once I said it out loud,
I knew that I couldn’t take it back.
I just knew that what ever happens now,
will leave us all different.
I’m shaking with a bit of hope.
Let’s see where this takes us now.

In search of the moon

In search of the moon,Where the brightness filled the sky

And I avoided where darkness touched

I looked all around and I still couldn’t find it

In search of the moon,

My eyes wandered 

Catching glimpses of stars 

And silhouettes of others on the same mission as I

In search of the moon,

I gazed upon your eyes

And what I found was 

Exhilarating. 

In search of the moon,

I found you.

And when I found you,

I saw that the moon was trapped in your eyes.

Abuela 

I was 7 years old when we lost you. I remember that dad had gone back home to see if there was anything else he could do. I remember crying a great deal. I saw how sad everyone was and so I became sad. I loved you and still do. I never knew someone could love me as much without ever holding me or seeing me in person. But I knew you loved me because you’d call every birthday, or just to see how we were all doing. They say I look like you. And I don’t mind for the stories I hear about how sweet and kind you were make me proud. You saw the good in everyone. I’m proud to be named after you. I carry a great responsibility and I try to make you proud. I’ll never know what it’s like to be comforted by you, to go shopping with you or go for tea. I won’t know what it’s like to sleepover your house on the weekends. Or to see you during the holidays. I know that you’d be proud of dad and all of his accomplishments. I know you’d tell mom to make sure he stayed levelled. You’d make sure we’d be happy and okay. I miss you everyday. I sometimes get jealous of what others have because I wish I could have had that. Sometimes I’m angry at the world for not allowing me the privilege but then I’m at peace because you’re always on my mind. I miss you even though I never met you. When I see your photograph, all I can do is imagine.