So I have not been posting anything. I just wanted to share where I’m at and how I’m feeling. It has been a crazy term, I’ve been doing so well and keeping busy. But, because I have been so busy, I haven’t had time to realize how I’m feeling.
So today, I ended up with anxiety. Anxiety is the worst thing ever, it just shows up when it wants to and you do every possible thing to ensure no one sees you’re about to break down. I thought that if I stayed in class, it would force me to be okay. Unfortunately, I ended up feeling suffocated, I could feel that weird gnawing feeling rise up from the pit of my stomach and it got stuck right at my chest. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry, but I didn’t want anyone to know or see. I had mentioned it to two friends, they knew. I got up and made it to the ladies’ room. I tried to ground myself, I tried to focus on my breathing, I just couldn’t control it.
I know what triggered it. I tried to avoid it from getting worse, but I still ended up in tears.
Everyone assumes I’m always put together and that I could “never” have this because of my work ethic, or because of how happy I am, but I do.
I had one of those days. I’m exhausted. I slept it off and I’ll be ready for a brand new day.