Summer

It starts off like a gentle breeze on a summer night.

The hairs on your skin slowly rising, you smile.

The atmosphere is filled with the buzzing of bees and dragonflies.

Your heart silently beating in the background.

The sun is setting and blushing, exposing how you feel.

The warmth gently caressing your face.

There’s the last little whispers of birds from behind the trees,

letting you know to be prepared.

You’re in a daze, the waves are pulling you in.

You try to fight it, but you know that once he holds your hand,

there’s no way to beat the current.

Hi, a little bit of regret and a lil’ mystery.

“Hi”.

It’s so amazing how this short phrase, this small word, could start a whirlwind of events. It can do so much for us. It can be a small simple exchange between strangers; it could be the only word two long-distances lovers can say. It can also be a cold gesture between used-to be friends or lovers. It can be the start to a story, you never saw unfolding.

But let me begin mine, it started with those simple words. “Hi”. I remember that day because it made such an impact on me. How could a stranger make such an impact? It could have been because we were the only two in the gym that day. He probably thought I was bored out of my mind working alone with no one in sight. He walked in, so tall, so handsome with a genuine smile. He was ready to take on his workout. He didn’t have to talk to me, he could have continued in after saying “hi”. But he didn’t, throughout his workout, we continued having a small conversation. It was simple, short and honest. In the end, he asked if I was going to some fundraiser that the team was hosting. I remember texting my friends saying he asked me to go and they told me to go. Of course, I didn’t. I know, what was I thinking? I wonder back on that day, all those “what ifs” run through my mind. I knew then and I know now, I should have gone.

You’re probably thinking and wondering if this is one of those stories where “girl meets guy and guy gets girl”, but it’s not always that simple. Or is it? Maybe I’m just telling myself that because I don’t want to sound like I screwed up something…but what if there was nothing? You see my dilemma? Sometimes weird things happen before, in between and after stories, because we get so tangled in these lovey-dovey stories that we hope for it. I’m guilty of it. Super guilty. I’ve been told I have unrealistic expectations of love and romance. You’ve seen the low-budget films or the Hollywood movies; we all want that story of “this is how we met”…. I sincerely probably, could have had it. I still want it. Yes, I am regretting missing out on this opportunity.

Let me ask you this question? Have you ever met someone who engraved themselves into your heart and mind? Because those are the ones I like to keep around. This was him. He was a mystery to me, a stranger who I knew only because the gym was having a slow day. A guy, I would say hi to once and awhile in the hallways of our college but that was it. I didn’t realize how much of an impact he had made in my life until recently. I mean, I dated and crushed on so many guys in between. I don’t even know now, if it’s because I like him or crush on him or admire him that I still think of him. Anyway, you’re probably, sitting there laughing or feeling bad about my regret. It wasn’t till I woke up this morning that I realized this guy probably means a lot to me more than I suspect. A few months ago, we talked quite a bit. It wasn’t much. It was a lot of school talks and helping edit his papers but why would I think that it meant so much more than that. And now, just dead silence. I’m honestly confused. The past few months, I’ve had recurring dreams where he shows up. I’ve had crushes again in between then and now, so there is something about him. Sometimes I feel like I’ve gone crazy or you might be thinking that I’m obsessed or something. I honestly don’t know. I remember getting butterflies at some point, but now it’s like a memory, regret, I don’t know what it is. I cannot wrap my finger around it.

I just wish I knew. And it all started with a simple “Hi”. I don’t know what will happen and I don’t know where this will go but there’s nothing like a little mystery to keep me on my toes. I wish I could have said yes, we got together. This is our story but I don’t even know the end or if it has even begun.

My Mystery

I don’t know what he did to me,
it must have changed every bit of me.
I find every little bit reminds me of him.
What was it about him that had me spinning?
Was is his handsome face?
His achievements?
the way he smiled?
the honesty of his words?
I’m in a daze.
Confused.

Crush

cheeks flushed the colour of blossoms,
smiling uncontrollably
that fluttering of a million butterflies within me
that I cannot control when you walk by
my heart flutters,
words stumble
all I know is I can’t wait to see you again.