too short, too loose or weird.

Hey guys,
I hope you are all well. I was writing in my private journal and I realized I had not shared anything with you guys since a few weeks ago. I feel bad that I haven’t been around as much. What I am writing about today is something that has been affecting me personally since puberty but lately, it feels so much concerning. It’s kind of embarrassing. The pressures of society still get to me. And you’ve guessed it. It’s my appearance. It’s not that I’m being fully insecure about it. I think I’m an okay person but lately, I’m overly concerned about how I look and how I feel.

I’ve been feeling ugh about how I look. It’s so stupid really. I’m 24 years old, you’d think by now I wouldn’t care about how I look. But the past week, everything I’ve heard about how appearance matters because that’s the society we live in, made me realize that we’re still stuck. Even if we raise awareness, protest, fight against these standards. The damage is already there. I’m personally affected by it.

I consider myself quite confident in other areas but what’s the point if I don’t like how I feel. I am going through changes, as I am losing weight not to only feel good, but to be healthy and fit for the rest of my life and the career I have chosen as a police officer. But it’s the going to the store and trying things on that really gets me. I find that clothing doesn’t necessarily fit right on me. It’ll be to loose on the waist, too tight, too short or just weird looking. I’m finding myself wanting to only wear my workout gear because I feel so gross in other clothes. It’s so hard. I’ll try to wear something out nice and find myself changing quickly. I go to stores and find that they don’t cater to my size.

I know there is a movement of “loving our bodies” but I don’t think most stores have gotten the memo. It really sucks because it doesn’t help. I know I’m a grown woman now but I think at some point we all try to hide our insecurities but I figured if I talked about mine, it would make it better.

I hope it does. Thank for reading this. ❤

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