Signs the person you are dating is bad for you.

Okay, so this has probably been done, like a million times. But there’s no harm in writing something like it again, right?

Anyway, we’ve all at some point dated people who it just did not work out with, some of us have dated people who seemed like they were the one, until something tweaked and they were the complete opposite of who they showed you in the beginning.
So I cannot speak for everyone but I have had two pretty awkward experiences in my life. I usually don’t even get myself in relationships or date or whatever because I honestly do not have the time to even breathe. You’re probably thinking, why should I listen to someone who has only dated twice in her life? You’re right, I may not have loads of experience but I have experienced enough to know I deserve better. I have also heard countless situations that my friends have been in and that’s also enough.
But here are some signs that show you that the person you are dating is not good for you at all. I also apologize in advance because I might go on a tangent/rant about certain people who shall not be named, just to prove my point. Well, here goes nothing:

1. You caught them in lie. Okay, so we all lie at some point in our lives, but when the person you are dating is telling people different stories about things. It’s generally a bad sign. This is bad for you because you will never know when your significant other is telling the truth or just down-right lying to you. For example, someone I used to be with would constantly tell me that he did not want to go clubbing anymore, (I have never been a club girl, It’s never my thing, so him saying that was awesome) he said that he was outgrowing that phase BUUUUUUT to his friends he was telling people I wouldn’t let him. This is a sign for a whole bunch of other things–like he makes you sound like a manipulative, crazy person when really you had no idea what was going on. Also, he OR she is just saying what you want to hear and that’s not a sign of a healthy relationship at all.

2. No freedom to be who you are: Okay, so I am guilty of doing this. I think most girls are. We think we can change guys into being gentleman-like, clean and nice to us all the time. Well, no. Unfortunately, You can’t change someone. Another part of this is making the decisions for your significant other. I get it, you’re in a relationship and you want to have a say in what the other person does BUT there are limits. Both of the guys, I have dated wanted me to do what was best for them and not me. I dated someone who would get jealous of me volunteering (which is a big part of who I am) because there would be guys there. Crazy right? You also can’t interfere with someone’s life dream even if it changes. For example, if you’re significant other wants to travel or study abroad, trust them and support them. Don’t say crazy things like I can’t handle you being gone or I won’t wait for you. That just makes you a jerk. Don’t be a jerk!
Don’t constrict someone. Don’t let anyone pressure you into anything.

3.Abuse. It comes in many forms. Physical, psychological, verbal, etc. Couples argue, that is inevitable. The real problem is when one person takes on the blame, you don’t talk about it, you are being guilt-tripped into things. Get out of that relationship. Someone who says they love you will never hurt you in this way. Tons of people are victims to this everyday and I’m telling you, there are people who can help. Sometimes some of us deal through it on our own because of the shame but it can get pretty unhealthy. Its okay to talk. Your friends would never want you to be in a relationship where you are not respected.

4.Misery. Relationships are never perfect but do not be in one, when it no longer makes you happy. If you feel angry, flustered or even anxiety. This relationship is not working out. The person you’re with is supposed to share happiness with you. If you’re always giving or always taking then you’re both just done with each other. If you’re sick of the person you are dating, don’t stick around for it to get worse.

These are pretty obvious. Of course, there are many other factors that point out whether you are in an unhealthy relationship. When you literally feel sick to your stomach, want to scream, cry, it means you’re done. Don’t stay in a relationship where you are hurting someone or you’re being hurt. Don’t settle. Don’t lower your standards. Someone is out there for you. Just be patient. Be happy with yourself. Its the best relationship you can have.

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Bringing out your inner child.

Remember when you were five years old and you could be anything you wanted to be?
Well, you still can. I think as we get older, people, life experiences and our own mind decides that we have to set these limits and stresses about who we are and who we have to be. I think we have all had this problem, where we set these limits and then do not see ourselves getting out of it.
Some of us had to grow up a little faster and even though we enjoyed our childhood, there was always some form of worry. Is there going to be food tomorrow on the table? Is my ill parent going to survive? What would happen if my parents got a divorce? Are we going to have enough to pay the bills?
These are things children should not worry about but they do, then they grow up with those worries implanted in them.
So here are some tips as to how being an adult should still be fun!
(of course, there are some limits on what you can do without being too creepy!)

1. Laugh.
I know that sounds way too simple. I think that laughing is something adults forget to do because they’re constantly worrying about the future, bills, mortgages, debts, job hunting, you name it. I sometimes forget to do it. I find myself rubbing my shoulders because the weight of the world is just too much. So my advice is laugh. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh, make time to see a comedy show, watch a funny movie. Have you heard a little kid laugh? it’s amazing right? Well, you can laugh like that too!

2. Dance around the house.
Find your favourite tune and just dance. Remember when you would dance with your mom or dad randomly? Well, there is no shame in doing that as an adult. Not only will it provide some cardio, it will relieve some stress you had from work or school. Trust me, I have danced to shake it off, like 100 times since the song came out. I always feel so good and refreshed before going back to writing a paper or dealing with stress from my personal life. Let the energy flow from within. Just let it go and have fun. Crank those Backstreet Boy moves and enjoy.

3. Be creative.
The one thing we tend to forget as we get older is how to be fun and creative (Well, not all adults forget!). If you work in a creative environment, this still applies to you. Do some arts and crafts, paint, write a poem, etc. Get that creativity flowing, not only will there stress be gone but your brain will get much needed exercise. Remember that guitar, you got as a gift, pick it up and play. Sing a song. Do it. Trust me, you won’t regret it.

4. Watch your favourite childhood movie.
Grab your favourite snacks, put on some pyjamas, wear your slippers, grab your favourite stuffed animal (I know you all secretly have one) and sit and watch your favourite movie. Make time to enjoy yourself. Sometimes all you need is a good flashback to the good old days where everything seemed easy and simple to remind you that its okay and that you still can make it easy and simple.

5. Build a Fort.
So you’re tired of working in the same space, you have writers block or just cannot seem to get any work done at your desk. Build a fort. Grab all your pillows and blankets. Just do it. Grab your work, grab a snack and do your work in the fort. No, it is not childish and no one will judge you.

So these are a few tips that I think are not too creepy and still allow you to just have fun. Make time to have fun. It doesn’t have to be doing childish things but you do not have to be serious all the time. Smile. Crack a joke with co-workers. Be silly with your group of friends. Let loose. You do not have to be primp and proper all the time. Wear funny coloured socks or cartoon underwear, wear a cape (well, you don’t have to but you can!), even the smallest thing makes you feel better. In a world where everything is about structure and organization, it seems impossible to have fun and we forget about taking care our inner child. We all have one. Our inner child is our fun side. It’s the side that is carefree, worry free side. So go out and have fun.

Do not worry about your grades and career that much. Do what makes you happy. I still have to learn to do this but it so nice to share what I try to do to help myself.

Cheers!

How Social Media has changed the way things are

As a 90’s baby, I have seen a lot of changes in the world, especially when it comes to communicating. I’m sure you’ll laugh at me and say, well you haven’t seen anything yet. I know I haven’t. I’m sure as I get older, I’ll be laughed at, like I laugh at my parents for still trying to understand what Facebook, Twitter and all those other things are. Anyways, Social Media has become one of the ways we are able to communicate our thoughts, our feelings, we share the news, we hear about global issues, the last thing we’d think about is how it can change lives.

Social Media went from a crazy idea to something that consumes time but also helps us get through our day. You might argue that you some people need to get out more, but in a fast-paced environment sometimes all you have left is the online world. I am not tech-savvy and I know as much as the next person, but I do spend hours and hours on the computer, whether thinking of blogging ideas, or writing a paper, checking (or ‘creeping’) Facebook, uploading photos on Instagram or watching my favourite Youtubers. I feel like the internet has brought me closer to people I may not even know in person. So here are some things Social Media has changed things:

1) Remember when we all laughed and doubted at the people who said social media would be the next big thing, well it is. I don’t think it has lost its momentum. The social world, aside from its countless issues (drama, hate speech and other crazy things), has provided many people of my age to be creative. In a world, where we spend hours at school, working on papers and working hard to become part of that work force, we forget to be creative (minus those who actually get to be creative in their jobs).Everything is focused around structure, social media lets you “let loose”. How many times have you seen a vine over and over again because it was just too funny or you ask yourself “well, why didn’t I think of that? when watching a funny youtube clip. Yes, some videos may be pointless but tell that to the million of views cat videos have on the internet. I’m glad we have social media, I am able to express myself through my blogs, through my photos on Instagram even if they are mostly about food (I really like food!) or my little random rants on Twitter about stress or life.

2) JOBS….yep. Jobs. Who knew that social media would be providing many people with jobs. You see some famous you tubers and viners with amazing opportunities. Zoella, Pointless Blog, Robby Ayala, Jenna Marbles, Lilly Singh, all these social media “geeks” have become famous, have amazing book deals, make up launches, contracts with other branding companies. All because they took their free time and turned it into something productive. We see companies hiring people for their social media accounts, for social media posts and I’m sure you can think of many more titles. They’ve taught me that I can take my ideas ands turn them into something big. We see many bloggers becoming our main source of news, some provide us with a new perspective on different topics, some make us think and others make us feel. Who knew there would be jobs like this when I was younger? It has provided so many opportunities that I didn’t think would even be possible.

3) Social Media has allowed us to be ourselves. Though some people could use some limitation and some people we say too much and should be more private, I think being more open about things has brought up many important discussions on issues such as sexual harassment, global issues of war and poverty. It has allowed us to have an opinion whether we agree with each other or not. At least, we are being heard. It has allowed us to find an outlet in a world were sometimes we may not have a voice to speak out but can share it online. Of course, when too extreme there are repercussions. I always have so much to say but I limit myself in order to not cause trouble or start some weird online debate but sometimes it’s what people need. In other cases, some people who start to bully and harass or threaten should just stay away from computers. No one really likes a troll.

4) It has brought us closer together. So I know nothing beats hanging with people in person. But its nice seeing the adventures your friends find themselves going on, or reading a status about something that makes you wonder if they’re okay. Yes, sometimes people share too much but it’s not bad knowing how people are, especially if they live somewhere across the world. Sometimes that’s not possible, It’s funny how I have learned to be a better version of myself, to be happy and not to be ashamed of who I am from people who I’ve never met. Of course, I thank my parents for that as well. In a world, where there are so many societal standards of beauty, life and who you’re supposed to be, you forget to really be free. Then you watch a video of people going above and beyond to talk about weird topics such as school dances or first dates and you laugh because it brought up a funny memory  or you realize some weird event didn’t just happen to you. It happened to 500 other people.

5) Similar to jobs, Social Media has determined how successful things can be. Those millions of views, shares, those crazy random have made shows successful, they’ve made musicians, celebrities, politicians, etc., who they are today because someone one day shared a link then someone else did and so the domino effect began. You share so much information whether good or bad and someone  out there is already reading it and it can make you quite successful because someone out there will know your name. I think we’ve seen these with TV shows, people tweeting countless about how they love it or how good an episode was, or even provide suggestions to those in charge of the show that they have become part of the process when shows are being made. It again has allowed for interaction. It’s actually really cool.

Like everything, there are always pros and cons of it all. Some people share too much information. My advice is don’t share too much of your personal life but experiences are okay. You also have to be careful in this world, there are some people who don’t understand the concept of privacy and like to cause damage. So stay safe online, think about what you’re saying before posting, don’t be afraid to take risks because you might land a job or a book deal without even knowing it. Have fun! Don’t be too much of a troll.

Cheers,

Beingmaarthaa

How to be a Fashionista

Fashion is a trend,

Style is within a person

–Oscar De La Renta

 

So I’ve always been into fashion, everything about it attracts me. Well, the price tag sometimes holds me back. As a full-time student and barely making ends meet sometimes, shopping isn’t a priority but it makes me happy. I have always loved fashion, I wanted to be a fashion designer when I was in high school. I think clothing allow for expression, it can be wacky, simple, or exciting. It never disappoints. I’ll follow trends or do my own thing,  it’s always fun to do that.

Here are some helpful tips on how to be a fashionista:

1. Buy what you want— Who cares about what the pictures in magazines say, trends are trends. Buy what appeals to you on the racks.

2. Be comfortable & confident–So what I mean is dress the way you want and flaunt. These days everyone is body shaming, saying girls are too skinny, too fat, too tall, too short. I think people need to shut up. We all come in different shapes and sizes, they are all beautiful. Dress in what makes you happy, what YOU think represents you, what makes you smile. Every thing else is just an opinion. Don’t dress to impress anyone but yourself, that will radiate outwards. Don’t listen to negative comments. I had an ex boyfriend who “stopped” me from dressing up saying he didn’t like it when I did that, when I wore make up because I was going to get attention from other people, when he took that away from me, I was so unhappy. Don’t let someone change you because of their insecurities. When people judge you for what you wear, it’s their insecurities that are speaking.

3. Spend what you want–I can’t tell you how to live your life. Spend as little, a lot. It doesn’t matter. I usually set a budget for myself on how much I want to spend. The last shopping spree was a max of $500 dollars. I went through my closet first, made sure what I needed and what I didn’t. You can buy high street fashion or find the same pieces for much cheaper from a different store. I usually do a mix and match of both. I like saving in certain areas and just take really good care of my clothes.

4. Make it your own–I usually get inspired by a pin on Pinterest, or a photo from Instagram. My fashion icons are a fictional character (Blair Waldorf) and a licensed optician from Vancouver (Sue Randhawa). They are both different and they have their signature pieces and that’s what I like to do too! I may not put ribbons in my hair or wear extremely stylish glasses but I’ll find a cute pair of tights or accessories to make that inspiration my own. Don’t be afraid to try different things. It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t match or “work”, if it makes you feel good then you rock those mismatched patterns, those funky coloured socks or the bold lip colour.

5. Smile–the biggest key I think of being a fashionista is smiling. It is the best accessory anyone can wear.

6. Don’t Judge— style is about being who you want to be, so the rules are you can’t judge others for what they wear. You wouldn’t want someone to judge you for what you wear. Fashion is about empowering one another through the expression of clothes.

These are the only ones I could think of right now but I’m sure you can come up with so many more points on how to be a fashionista. Fashion is such a great thing. It’s a work of art that takes on a beautiful interactive form. I think it’s magical seeing a model walk down the cat walk and the lights hit them in the perfect places and the clothes take a life on their own. You ask yourself why the designer chose that colour, those patterns, that fabric. It’s all a mystery to me and I love it.

Just remember the rule: there are no rules about being who you want to be.

Love,

Beingmaarthaa

Music: How it changes you

Okay, so you’ve probably read many articles and blogs about music and they’re all probably pretty repetitive. Even though that is the case, I still wanted to write about how music plays such a big influence in our lives. We can leave out all the politics and the economics out of this conversation, I want to focus on the music, the sounds, the words that influence our lives.

Music it plays you, it moves you, it soothes you or makes you feel things that you didn’t think were there. Music plays a major role in my family, my father is a musician/songwriter and so I grew up around instruments and music blaring every day. I unfortunately am not an instrument player and I wish I was, I can sing, so you’ll definitely catch me humming or sometimes even attempting to write a song.

Anyways, the point of this blog is to discuss how music makes us feel.

The first thing that music makes me feel is love. When I can’t put my feelings into words, there is someone out there who expresses it in such a beautiful way. Or it emphasis that love, when you see the person you love or you are crushing on, a certain song starts to play in your head. It doesn’t have to be only about being attracted to someone, songs about love can also apply to family and friends or just loving life in general.

Loss, there are songs about this, there are songs that talk about losing someone you care about, losing yourself, and just pure sadness. There are songs that make you cry, for no reason at all. I’ve sat in my room listening to “The Lonely” by Christina Perri and just broken down. No reason, the song just made me go deep within myself to think of all the times I felt lonely and wanted to empower myself.

There are silly songs, I spent my whole summer of 2013 listening to One Direction, after a bad break up. It was fun, it got me out of my funk. It may have not any deep lyrics but it made me happy. Plus Liam is a favourite;)

There are songs about empowerment, music from films that make you feel like you can accomplish anything.

Songs change you, music plays such a major part in our lives. It makes the world much more interesting. Some make you go and dance, others make you think, others make you happy or sad, others make you forget, while some make you live in the moment.

We all songs that we go to when we feel any emotion, I have favourites, I have ones I want to play at my wedding (if that ever happens), songs to play when I’m going through my panic attacks, I listen to music to fall asleep, it’s just so beautiful.

Music is my life & I love life because of it.

 

XOXO,

Beingmaarthaa