Change.

“I don’t know, I guess we could give it a try”

“Do you think we’re rushing it? he asked in a concerned tone.

“Well, no…it’s just…I just don’t want us to ruin our friendship…we’ve been friends for so long”.

“Okay, but you know we’re just it for each other. We get each other, we’ve supported each other, we’ve been there for each other in the hardest times. You were there for me when I lost her. You don’t know how much that means to me. And well, I love you. I always will. As a friend…as mine”.

We sat there in the silence for quite some time after that. I wanted to tell him everything, how he made me feel but he also knew how hard it was for me. Everything regarding feelings was hard, in the past I felt too much and dived in, got hurt and I didn’t want to go back to that. Exposing feelings was being weak and now I was probably going to miss out on the best thing in my life. I just couldn’t find the words. I put my hand on his hand, he looked at me with those watery eyes, I could feel him trembling, he was trying not to cry. I knew, if I walked away, I would break his heart and my own. I looked away for a second, trying to find the right words to say. I took a deep breath and knowing what was in my heart I said,

“I’m sorry”

And I knew then that nothing would ever be the same again.