Shells

Have you ever felt like no one listens? Like no one notices you? Does it make you afraid of standing out or speaking up because you’re sure no one will care? Have you ever felt invisible?

It’s okay if you do, it happens to me. I’ll tell you something. I sometimes come off as outgoing and confident but really deep down inside, I’m afraid. Afraid of saying the wrong thing, of sounding dumb, afraid that what I say won’t make sense.

Let me give you a scenario of what I mean:
In class, we get marked on participation, in some classes I can easily participate because no one does and I am able to push myself to say something. In other classes, I chicken out. For example, in my criminal profiling class, I felt like what I had to say wasn’t as smart as everyone else’s points. I had actually done the readings and put a lot of thought into it but when the professor asked if anyone wanted to discuss what they found interesting, I chickened out. There have been times where I rock a presentation and other times where I’m super nervous, even though I’ve done presentations like crazy.
I’ve been told a lot that I need to be more assertive. The weird thing is that I can be and for some reason, I just lose that.

Lately, I’ve been feeling invisible and I feel like I’ve done that to myself. Perhaps it’s because I over think and talk myself out of things. Perhaps I don’t trust my own abilities. I have to work a little harder to stand out. I’ve always been shy but have been capable of coming out of my shell. Sometimes it’s a little harder. Sometimes a little easier.

I mean this is why I blog, I want to be able to show myself what I’m capable of doing.

I definitely know I’m not the only one. We’ve all been there (or at least some of us of have). I know as I get older it will get better. I guess I really do need some more life experience.

Advertisements

4 Replies to “Shells”

  1. I used to be like that. Something about college put me in a shell when I was alone although I thrived when I was with my friends. I got over that though upon realizing I only had this one life and I couldn’t waste it wondering if the things I said and did rubbed people the wrong way. Granted, I wasn’t out there just being an asshole for no reason either. I just got to the point where I felt like I had a lot to say and participate in, and I just did it. Yeah, I’d embarrass myself at times, but it was all part of the learning process. No regrets!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m going through that process currently. I realized it’s okay to sometimes say the wrong thing, as long you notice it and correct it. I used to not be like this, I had much more confident and then one thing really knocks you off your feet.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s