On my Own

So it’s been about a week since I’ve written a post! I’ve been taking a few days off to just continue figuring out my life and learning to appreciate myself, my situation and everything around me. I won’t lie it has been hard but there is one thing that I quite have been enjoying which is being alone.

I’ve been spending quite of a few days on my own and it’s been quite interesting. The other day, I actually called up a friend and we talked on the phone which felt really nice to do. Since I’m also quite limited with going out right now since I’m still “funemployed” (not so fun at this point though), I try to just stay home or do things that don’t require too much spending. This limitation has been quite rewarding though. I have learned a bit more about myself so I thought I’d share them with you!

1. I like tea–Yep! I really like tea. There is nothing like sitting staring out a window of a coffee shop and drinking tea. I try to do this more frequently and I just write down my thoughts as I sit there. My thoughts, observations, feelings, I like to jot them down and just embrace the moment of being alone. We all knew I love tea a little too much but I’ve learned to appreciate the taste, the feelings and the comfort of tea.
2. I know a lot. Okay, so this sounds like a humble brag but I really do know a lot. I’ve spent my whole life learning a bit about everything, so that I could be a well-rounded person which is probably also my downfall at the moment. I like and know a little too much for my own good, which doesn’t allow me to pick one thing. I have so many interests in life that I can’t seem to find my focus which has been a bit detrimental to my success. I know sometimes you really do have to pick one and go with it for a bit. I’m spending a lot of time figuring that out and I really do like where I’m heading, it’s just taking a little longer than usual.
3. I’ve become more vocal. Even though I’m spending a lot of time on my own, whenever I’m with people, I’ve learned to be more vocal. All my quiet time on my own, allows me to really think about things before speaking them. I still suck a long conversations but I can sorta maintain my confidence in speaking. A downfall is that sometimes I’m too quiet during conversations, I let people say things that are wrong and I need to speak out more. I do enjoy listening to people more than I used to. It allows me to get to understand their thoughts and who they are based on what they say. I guess, it has also made me a bit more judge-y about who I hang with. If you’re saying racist, sexist, or anything remotely disrespectful, I prefer to not speak to you. I know that sounds bad but it’s how I roll these days.
4. I’ve got a lot going on in my brain. I have been able to do a lot of mental digging. I have thought about my past, what caused me to stunt my own personal growth these days. I know that sounds silly but I’ve looked back at my personal traumas and I’ve been trying to pick out when and where did I change and why. I want to understand myself better and avoid repeating mistakes, avoid bad situations and especially letting go of things that really hurt me. I have a lot going on in here. I guess that’s why sometimes I can’t seem to focus. I need to air all my laundry out and get going with my life.
5. I’m stronger than I give myself credit for. Although my family can sometimes call me the weakest, the most emotional one and that I really need to control what I cry for. I like to think I’m strong. I’m strong because I’ve endured bullying, endured almost being homeless during high school with my family, I’ve endured family health and personal health problems, I’ve made it through every panic attack, anxiety, even depression. I’m still fighting for what I deserve, what I want and I guess that makes me strong even if somedays I feel like calling it quits
6. I can’t wait to live on my own. I actually think that once I get a job that pays well and once I start paying of some of my student debt, I will be able to manage on my own. I honestly can’t wait for that. I love my family, I love living with my parents, it really has helped take off a load but I think at some point, I decided that It’s time for me to live my own life. I will obviously spend a lot of time with them but I think it’ll help me grow a lot more being on my own.

So here are some of the self-reflecting moments I’ve had recently. I don’t know what it is but I really enjoy my downtime. For example, right now I’m alone in my room while wearing a face mask (though this will be posted tomorrow morning). I sat here feeling inspired to share with you what has been going on in my brain for the last few weeks. I know it may not seem much to some but to me, it is making all the difference to understand myself, what makes me tick, what makes me happy and what I plan to do.

Thanks for reading!