Shells

Have you ever felt like no one listens? Like no one notices you? Does it make you afraid of standing out or speaking up because you’re sure no one will care? Have you ever felt invisible?

It’s okay if you do, it happens to me. I’ll tell you something. I sometimes come off as outgoing and confident but really deep down inside, I’m afraid. Afraid of saying the wrong thing, of sounding dumb, afraid that what I say won’t make sense.

Let me give you a scenario of what I mean:
In class, we get marked on participation, in some classes I can easily participate because no one does and I am able to push myself to say something. In other classes, I chicken out. For example, in my criminal profiling class, I felt like what I had to say wasn’t as smart as everyone else’s points. I had actually done the readings and put a lot of thought into it but when the professor asked if anyone wanted to discuss what they found interesting, I chickened out. There have been times where I rock a presentation and other times where I’m super nervous, even though I’ve done presentations like crazy.
I’ve been told a lot that I need to be more assertive. The weird thing is that I can be and for some reason, I just lose that.

Lately, I’ve been feeling invisible and I feel like I’ve done that to myself. Perhaps it’s because I over think and talk myself out of things. Perhaps I don’t trust my own abilities. I have to work a little harder to stand out. I’ve always been shy but have been capable of coming out of my shell. Sometimes it’s a little harder. Sometimes a little easier.

I mean this is why I blog, I want to be able to show myself what I’m capable of doing.

I definitely know I’m not the only one. We’ve all been there (or at least some of us of have). I know as I get older it will get better. I guess I really do need some more life experience.